Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:42 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my erection lasts longer than four hours, SHE's the one who's going to need to see a doctor
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love you so much that there's almost no chance I'd use you as a human shield against a Navy SEAL'S attack.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It feels like my entire generation can be summed up in six words from a Nirvana song: Here we are now, entertain us.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:17 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon You remind me of those kids in elementary school who would put their mouth against the faucet when drinking out of the water fountain.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Humans, We have called off the apocalypse after realizing that there are no brains left. Sincerely, Zombies.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:15 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I said "Just gimme the usual" to the waitress at a restaurant I've never been to. And now I wait...
←Rate | 05-04-2011 16:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Mr. Chip bag thank you for telling me that 23 peices equal one serving. However, I need clarification on the exact size of your standard chip. Perhaps a life size picture on the bag would help.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:52 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook blocked at work. 2012 has come much earlier than anticipated.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:43 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was little, I wanted to be a UPS man when I grew up because they get to drive around all day with no doors. Now I'm really glad my car has doors.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:41 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon So here I am,at the hospital,in the O.R,with scaple in hand,wishing I hadn't lied on my resume about being a surgen...well here goes nothing!
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should make a Rosetta Stone that helps men understand what the f*ck women are actually trying to say.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:29 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the 8th day, God created beer, to keep Canadians from taking over the world:)
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you didn't have my number before you broke, lost, or got a new phone, don't invite me to your "new phone need numbers" group on Facebook. You just make me feel like a jerk when I ignore it
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:27 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my coffee the way I like my bed... made by someone else.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:27 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Believes that every great idea begins with "Hold my beer and watch this"
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not only do I want to see footage of bin Laden being killed, I want the Benny Hill theme song played over it.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I killed Bigfoot! I also have a few aliens in my basement! You gotta trust me because I said so! Oh by the way I have pictures but you can't look at them!
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:06 by joseph Robert Comments (0)  



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