Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Everything is so digital these days, my kids can't even read a clock with hands.

   TGIF? TG4DVR! I just watched 90 minutes of Idol in 17 minutes and 30 seconds.

   World Population Rank: 1.China 2.India 3.Facebook 4.USA 5.MySpace 6.Indonesia 7.Brazil 8.Twitter

   This just in... Apple has just hired LeBron James to fix the iPhone signal problem!

   When I'm bored, nobody texts me, but when I'm busy, my phone blows up.

   "Do you have a cell phone?" You might as well be asking me if I have a pulse.

   Dear Wikileaks...where is the fkn video already...Sincerely, USA

   Anyone have a truck I can borrow? I need to drag some ATMs about a mile or so

   Bin Laden is standing before God waiting to hear his punishment... God gets a tap on the shoulder. There behind him stand 343 firemen, 72 police officers, one K9 officer, 3,000 American citizens & over 5,000 Soldiers, they say."Don't worry God, we got thi

   just saw Elvis, Marilyn and Bin Laden at Walmart...I have pics...but for politically correct reasons I cannot post them!

   I never know when it will strike... but there comes a moment at work when I've made up my mind that I'm not doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

   I think that every horoscope should read: "Your day is already a failure... you rely on horoscopes."

   Mariah named her newborn boy Moroccan Scott, after her fav Moroccan room in her NYC apartment. Her newborn daughter White Monroe, after Marilyn's white piano she owns. (Wtf?) And, I'm Italian Stallion. You figure out why.

   having a romantic KFC supper ... I will even let her lick the grease off my fingers .. :D

   My status is a virus..DON'T CLICK THE LIKE BUTTON!!!! If you do your computer will freeze and lock up for good. If you click the comment button you will turn into an evil troll who eats humans for dinner. Repost if your a troll so I can run and hide.

   I've found the perfect weight-loss system. Convert to the metric system and lose half your weight in just seconds!

   USA & Pakistan's relationship status= It's complicated

   Being that we can't see the Bin Ladin Video... can we reroll the Bill an Monica video.

   Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods.

   <--still thinks that chick on the Progressive Insurance commercials is HAWT!