Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Today the rest of you women don't matter til' Monday...and when Tuesday rolls around a couple of you still won't matter.

   I guess Mother's Day is kind of awkward to a woman who has had multiple abortions. Thanks mom for not pulling the plug on me! Happy Mothers Day. :)

   what is the differance between a black guy and a large pizza?? a large pizza can feed a family!

   Attention Al Qaeda recruits: Due to recent events, practice on the hand over hand monkeybars will be cancelled indefinitely.

   ...today's the day we mother's get some relief from the curse OUR mother's handed down when they told us "one day you'll have a kid JUST LIKE YOU!!" Have a great MOM'S DAY everyone!! =D

   If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.

   To all the Mothers and Grandmothers out there, whether here on Earth or an Angel in Heaven: Thank you for teaching us all we know. Being a mother is not easy.

   I just wanted Apple to know that I am still waiting for my iToilet.

   Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's piano? Neither has he.

   They say Osama was buried at sea because the U.S. would not have wanted there to be a grave site for fear of it turning into a place of worship for bin Laden's followers. I sure hope that all of his followers go to visit him at his place of burial

   Chloroform makes a fine cologne... Every girl falls for me

   If men can go around joggin shirtless... I believe "SOME" women should be able to do the same as well!

   I tried to play uno with my mexican friend's but they kept stealing the green cards

   the best part of waking up on Sunday morning after heavy [artying on a Saturday night, is the ability to pee in two different directions at the same time.

   so nice to see that the ex g/f who said I would never amount to anything just take my order at Taco Bell

   I wonder if people with foot fetishes get off on watching the Flinstones?

   Aside from Confirm & ignore, friend requests should have a "WHO ARE YOU" button

   I hate it when the same commercial plays two times in a row.

   Guess I've been doing too much laundry lately. My kid pointed out a pink car and all I could think was, "huh.. someone must have thrown a red car in the wash with it"

   You're always like a "deer in the headlights" when you look at the menu at Dairy Queen....You just don't know what to get.