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OK am not one to brag..but I think I deserve a medal..I Just rescued a beer that was trapped in the fridge! 
Be nice to your laptop/smartphone today. SkyNet was supposed to become self-aware last night, April 19th 2011. If all goes well we can avoid Judgement Day tomorrow.
“I like smoking a pipe of sweet hemp.” – Abraham Lincoln
420 is the day we celebrate marijuana. 421 is the day employers celebrate random drug testing!
Advice for today: Puff puff, Pass...don't get greedy.
''A married man is 4 times more likely to die during sex if his partner isn't his wife.'' Especially if his wife owns a gun.
My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student....Pierre Pressure
A friend of mine just married a Chinese billionaire. Cha Ching
Thinks they should change "I now pronounce you man and wife" to FINISH HIM!!!
looked at my unmade bed this morning and decided it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it
whats with these punks with their brightly coloured hair doing down the pub , I thought I stumbled into fraggle rock
Fast food places gonna be bumpin today, Happy 4/20 (̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~
Patient: The problem is that obesity runs in my family. Doctor: No, the problem is no one runs in your family.
Yahoo News - "World's oldest man dies". Why does this keep happening?!
Boy goes to a strip club; His mom gets angry and asks him: "did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?"; Boy: ''yes I saw Dad
My friend told me, "Smart men make great husbands!" Being the guy I am, I had to correct her, so I said "smart men don't get married"
OK Guys, you'restuck in bed between the most beautiful girl in the world and a gay guy. Who do you turn your back to?
Dentists are going on strike...brace yourselves
Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy. Men have to deal with Women. It's all about balance.
When I was a kid my family was so poor that the only time we got to eat meat was when we bit our tongue!
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