Came home Friday with flowers for the missus. When I handed them to her she replied, "Great. Now I have to spend all weekend on my back with my legs in the air." Obviously confused I asked, "Why? Don't we have any vases?
wonders how I can remember lyrics to a song I haven't heard since 1986. But can't, even for a million bucks; remember why I'm just standing in the middle of the kitchen
When you start complaining that all your dreams have not come true, you have to realize that also means that dream about you forgetting your pants at home
Was filling up my vehicle and started yelling "FIRE! FIRE!". The attendant came running out to help, "there's no fire". "I know...but I read somewhere that no one comes to help when you're being raped"
Just because you poked me doesn't mean I'm going to poke you back. I've seen first hand what poking leads to and I can't afford 18yrs of child support right now.