Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I've been invited to a Post-Rapture looting event but I replied "Maybe attending" because I've also been invited to a Judgement Day event and I need to see how that goes before I decide for sure....

   Diet tip: If you fatten up everyone around you, you will look thinner.

   The Skort: skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your butt!!

   doesn't wish anyone harm but wouldn't be upset if Justin Bieber was kicked in the head by a donkey.

   in case the WORLD ENDING doesnt happen on Saturday, Fox News had a report that we maybe over run by Zombies, but they did give a 'guide' as to what to do. Thanks Fox News....now I know what to do when the undead attempt to eat my brain.....

   The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.

   I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

   I'll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying. :)

   My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.

   Women can be funny sometimes... like when they say stuff like "Let's just be friends" or "Let me go and I won't tell the cops"

   payin for those jalapenos! My ass is on fire!!

   that awkward moment when she catches you trying to take a pic of her, and you have to pretend to be texting someone...

   ya "playa" skillz is broke, just like ya wallet!!

   I just watched an erectile dysfunction commercial for ten minutes before I realized it was Entourage.

   Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child. I saw that movie.

   Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(

   Centers for Disease Control and Prevention posted a blog on their website on May 16 , 2011; concerning Zombie Apocalypse preparedness.... ummmmm is there something the Government not telling us ???

   Dear Gain, You need to come up with a laundry soap that will wash the disappointment out of my sheets after a regretful one night stand.. Work on that. Sincerly, Every Guy in America

   I see that that they have released a "new" tape from Osama bin Laden. Great, it's going to be just like Tupac and Biggie, more recordings released after they were dead than when they were alive.

   1:00 in the afternoon and no one is on xbox live? What do people have to do this early in the morning that's sooo important you can't play call of duty?