Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear disgusting neighbor, having sex w/guys while your husband was deployed in Korea was just gross. Glad I told him what you did. Sincerely, someone who doesn't cheat

   Ahh the Sunday after Easter... Catholics forgot where church was already, see you at Christmas!

   the good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

   don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

   the story of the Good Samaritan was being told a Sunday school class. The teacher asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?' A thoughtful little girl broke the silence, 'I think I'd throw up!'

   A woman knocked on my door earlier asking if I would like to make a contribution towards domestic violence.So I punched her in the face.

   I'll date anyone who isn't an idiot, hints the reason I'm still single.

   FAST 6 , "The race to the Senior Discount Breakfast at Dennys". The next movie in the outlived Fast & The Furious Saga .

   Girl: Mom, I want some fresh air.. Can I go for a walk? Mom: Yes, but tell your “fresh air” to drop you home by 9 pm..!!

   Pippa middleton's ass is like a JK Rowling book..... you know harry's going to be in it

   I have a ton of leftover horse. I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was.

   I have beaten so many Japanese people tonight on Mario Kart Wii that they are going to start referring to me as Godzilla

   Extreme Couponing O:

   - You know "f-cking" is one of those f-cking words that you can f-cking put anyf-ckingwhere in a sentence and it still makes f-cking sense!

   - Oh, you don't like me? Go stand in line with the rest of the haters waiting for me to give a f-ck!

   - If you got any b-tchier, you could have puppies. Woof!

   I saw a nun on a wheelchair today and I could think of is.... Virgin mobile

   Can we stop calling Obama the first black president, he makes Bryant gumball look like flavor flav, my nipples are darker than this guy.

   "I don't care what political party you lean towards, what religious denomination you claim or what side of the tracks you live on, I love you anyways. Whether you like it or not."

   Earlier today I passed a street sign that said "Dip". I have an idea, instead of putting in the time and money into the "Dip" sign, how about filling in the dip?? Just a thought. If the bridge went out, would they just put up a sign that said, "River"?