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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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If I slept with a prostitute, when we finished I would tell her that I am also a prostitute and we can just call it even.
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05-26-2011 00:21
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Men think about sex every 7 seconds. Which is why I eat hot dogs in 6 seconds, so it doesn't get weird.
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05-26-2011 00:20
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There is absolutely nothing funnier than yelling "HE'S STEALING MY BABY!" at a dad having a hard time with his kid in public.
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05-26-2011 00:20
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Tired of the dying person who keeps emailing with his billion dollars. I hope he dies soon so he would quit sending the emails.
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05-26-2011 00:17
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That ackward moment when a beautiful woman is waving at you with enthusiasm, and, it turns out to someone behind you.
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05-26-2011 00:15
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When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza, and then insist that he called me.
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05-26-2011 00:11
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Am I the only one who feels that if I had to describe urine's color and possible taste, that I should point to a yellow Vitamin Water?
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05-25-2011 23:52 by
Kelevra
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Kevin Durant, it is time to take your backpack and go home!
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05-25-2011 23:50 by
Brent
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i need to find cinderella because I'm tired of running into her stuck-up cant take a joke high maintence sisters
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05-25-2011 23:48
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now that oprah is gone, Can we put daily football on?
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05-25-2011 23:28 by
SPerminator
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Dont ever tell someone you'll do something when pigs fly........cause cops ride in helicopters now.
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05-25-2011 23:16 by
average joe
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Hey Oprah your shows over,,,go to the dam gym ,, and try and lose some weight already,,,!!!
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05-25-2011 22:27
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A thunderstorm is God's way of saying his electronics will always be better than yours
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05-25-2011 22:18 by
PTV
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
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05-25-2011 22:12 by
BEGO
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About 50% of the time “good luck” means “effff you.”
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05-25-2011 22:07 by
BEGO
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That awkward moment when you're late for class, and when you walk in, everyone stares at you like you killed someone.
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05-25-2011 22:06 by
BEGO
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The guy who predicted the end of the world moved the date to Oct/Nov. That's not the end of the world, it's just another Twilight film.
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05-25-2011 22:05 by
BEGO
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8 year olds today have Facebooks, twitter, phones, ipods. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.
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05-25-2011 22:04 by
BEGO
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wish all my electronics came with as much memory as a girlfriend or wife.
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05-25-2011 22:03 by
BEGO
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Life is like a roller coaster. You can either scream every time there is a bump or you can throw your hands up and enjoy the ride.
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05-25-2011 20:04 by
serina
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