Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   never get into a fist fight with an ugly person, they have nothing to lose

   The way to a girls heart, is through your wallet.

   gonna make a FB account with the name "benefits".That way when a few ppl add me, it'll say: you and 5 other ppl r now friends with benefit

   If at first you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie!

   Forget about differences, let's talk about our similaritites. You ever wake up in the middle of the night, and you don't know what freakin' day it is?

   digesting the fact you've moved onto better things.. LOL JKS you're new boyfriend looks like a retard.

   been so busy lately that even Facebook feels neglected

   After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

   Get your tongue out of my mouth !...I'm trying to kiss you good-bye !

   Nice BBQ. The bulls got cooked by extreme heat. Anyone want steak?

   im not rich so I'll put a midget in my back pocket so my wallet looks bigger

   I always have this feeling that the SWAT team is waiting to bust through my door

   That fire we once had is now embers

   Instructions on how to keep an idiot busy: Read instructions again.

   I'd like Facebook to suggest: Since you've just de-friended that loser, how about you get rid of some more  deadweight, like ……

   Hey single ladies, you want a boyfriend? Easy! Learn to shut up and dramatically lower your standards!

   Leaving Facebook for Twitter is like leaving the bar to go home.

   I love when bicthes make status about how much the hate b**ches

   Shout out to everyone who ever gave GOD I mean Bishop Eddie Long Stroke money. Your money got put to good use today. I'm sure GOD is proud. Shout out to the Building Fund also. That private bedroom he has in his office must be nice.

   Why can you buy movies at Walmart with nude scenes in them and can't by a CD with cussin??