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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I have to say... to lie about taking steroids as long as Lance Armstrong did sure takes a lot of ball.
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05-27-2011 15:24 by
@The69Sheriff
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Look, baby, it's just not going to work between us: You're a sheep and I'm a border collie. I'm so sorry. I never meant to herd you.
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05-27-2011 15:23 by
@The69Sheriff
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I love Hitchhiker's, they always give Me a Thumbs up Every time I pass by them
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05-27-2011 15:18
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"two managers 1 cup..." could get quite messi tomorrow
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05-27-2011 13:52
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Even though my house has an alarm, I still like to set booby traps...just in case.
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05-27-2011 13:16 by
Goodeolboy
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That awkward moment when you're at a red light and you look at the person next to you and they're already looking at you
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05-27-2011 13:16
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aaah the weekend... drink triple, see double, act single.
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05-27-2011 13:16
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I Spent the last 30 minutes trying to trim my side burns and am now sporting a nice mohawk..
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05-27-2011 12:55
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Men make mistakes the problem is god gave us a brain and A wienner but not enough blood supply to run both at the same time..!!!
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05-27-2011 12:47
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I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
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05-27-2011 12:39
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Everyone is a Freak, it just takes the right person to bring out that side of you.
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05-27-2011 12:24 by
Marshall the Great
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What is the appropriate gift to give your woman on your 5th year anniversary..... of the restraining order?
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05-27-2011 12:23 by
Marshall the Great
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I can't stand it when people won't speak a little louder when I'm trying to eavesdrop on them. You people are selfish.
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05-27-2011 12:22 by
Marshall the Great
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If drunkness was a professional sport, I would probably be disqualified for steroids.
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05-27-2011 12:20 by
Marshall the Great
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You know that little voice in your head that tells you "No?" Yeeeah, mine died a long time ago.
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05-27-2011 12:14 by
Marshall the Great
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DNA Tests today confirmed danny devito is arnolds love child..
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05-27-2011 12:02
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MIDDLE AGE TEXTING CODES: ATD -at the doctor. BFF -best friend fell. BTW -bring the wheelchair. BYOT -bring your own teeth. FWIW -forgot where I was. GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA -got heartburn again. IMHO -is my hearing aid on?
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05-27-2011 10:30 by
Darren
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Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver
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05-27-2011 09:54 by
Katrina
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Remember as we are planing for our tomorrows, our brave soilders are giving theirs today.. Have a safe an wonderful Memorial weekend everyone!!
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05-27-2011 09:03 by
Wolf
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if it wasnt for the gutter, my mind would be homeless...
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05-27-2011 08:50 by
@datjusthappened
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