Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again.

   Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger.

   I'm giving up on the silent treatment. Going to start talking to myself again.

   For Sale: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. Never read because wife already knows everything.

   excuse me ma'am, how many ping pong balls can you fit in your mouth?

   Hitting the LIKE button on your own Facebook status is like sending a text message to yourself then replying.

   Some people have to realize that not everyone was made with a good singing voice...if they were, life would just be one big musical.

   In this kind of weather I expected to see more boobs hanging out.

   BREAKING NEWS: Rep. Weiner has apologized to Paul Revere.

   Remove the vowels from FEMALE.

   This copy of Windows is not genuine... Dang, I'll never find that guy that sold me Windows from the trunk of his car... He seemed legit. Lesson learned.

   im not much for masterbation but it did go off once while cleaning it

   kim kardashian: she's the kinda girl you could pee on

   The Beastie Boy's song, Paul Revere, is more historically accurate than what Sara Palin said about him.

   I would pay $1,000 to watch Sarah Palin explain the plot of LOST in her own words.

   there has to be a woman out there thinking to herself right now..." man I wish someone would pick me up like a bowling ball"

   Dear my money tree, why must thou look like the charlie brown christmas tree?

   I had a great time fishing with my uncle until he looked up at me and said he's going to show me how to bone a fish.

   Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...

   Dear Memory you suck at your job, you only work when you want to.