Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I don't blame Mexicans for boarder hopping. We did something subliminally messed up to them. When we were creating our country, just above Mexico, we created a state called New Mexico. Now what Mexican wouldn't want to check that out?

   Be nice to your parents, because your dad could have shot you into a tissue or your mum could have swallowed you.

   Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside us

   I just don't think this wiener thing is going to stand up in court.

   Brett Favre & Congressman Weiner gave new meaning to the term "Junk Mail".

   Teacher: why are you talking in my class? Student: why are you teaching in the middle of my conversation.

   don't you wish that cold a@@ Coors train was running through your neighborhood today?" Hell yeah. RIGHT NOW!

   Congressman Weiner gives new meaning to the term "Junk Mail".

   I hate when people use useless expressions like, 'Needless to say.' 'Needless to say, we had a terrific time tonight.' Needless to say? Then don't say it. 'Well, it goes without saying.' Then shut up.

   How do people who are housebound obese not see that coming? You're gradually getting fatter. It's not Willy Wonka and that blueberry girl, where you just blow up. If you're walking out of your house sideways because you're too fat, make a mental note.

   I just don't know if women like me. I know when they don't like me 'cause they'll say things like, 'Yeah, that's him, officer.'

   Here is something that nobody ever mentions about Obama, he is also half-white. If you don't believe that Barack Obama is half-white, YouTube him dancing on 'Ellen.'

   "I have PMS with GPS, which means I am a b!tch and I will find you!"

   Big sunglasses are an ugly girl's best friend

   Went into the Opticians and told him that I could see 9 years into the future. He examined my eyes and nodded in agreement. "You've got 2020 vision"

   The top 5 footballers from the 2010-11 season have been announced: Giggs Cort Given Thomas De Koch.

   Somewhere right now in the hood, someone is yelling "Domino Mother F**ker!"

   An Amber Alert has been issued for a tall, African American 26 yr. old who goes by the name of LeBron James. He keeps disappearing for the 4th quarter of the NBA Final games. If seen, please call his mother, Gloria, or her boyfriend, Delonte.

   In 50 years, a bunch of 80 year-olds will know all the words to Ice Ice Baby.

   perhaps he should stop singing the teenage mutant hero turtles theme song its really freaking everyone out here at the aquarium