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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I can't stand it when people won't speak a little louder when I'm trying to eavesdrop on them. You people are selfish.
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05-27-2011 12:22 by
Marshall the Great
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If drunkness was a professional sport, I would probably be disqualified for steroids.
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05-27-2011 12:20 by
Marshall the Great
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You know that little voice in your head that tells you "No?" Yeeeah, mine died a long time ago.
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05-27-2011 12:14 by
Marshall the Great
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DNA Tests today confirmed danny devito is arnolds love child..
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05-27-2011 12:02
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MIDDLE AGE TEXTING CODES: ATD -at the doctor. BFF -best friend fell. BTW -bring the wheelchair. BYOT -bring your own teeth. FWIW -forgot where I was. GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA -got heartburn again. IMHO -is my hearing aid on?
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05-27-2011 10:30 by
Darren
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Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver
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05-27-2011 09:54 by
Katrina
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Remember as we are planing for our tomorrows, our brave soilders are giving theirs today.. Have a safe an wonderful Memorial weekend everyone!!
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05-27-2011 09:03 by
Wolf
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if it wasnt for the gutter, my mind would be homeless...
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05-27-2011 08:50 by
@datjusthappened
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This just in, all the kids in Kindergarten Cop are Arnold's
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05-27-2011 08:04
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earth is full, go home.
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05-27-2011 07:46
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Does anybody have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
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05-27-2011 06:52
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Your first mistake was leaving me. Your second mistake was thinking I would die without you.
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05-27-2011 06:13 by
KISSTOPHER
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Been a week since I broke up with my girlfriend.. I need a new sandwich maker already or I'm going to starve to death.
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05-27-2011 05:20
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86. Sometimes I like to order pizza from Domino's and when the delivery boy rings the bell I open the door in a Pizza Hut outfit.
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05-27-2011 04:29 by
BRian
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Sometime I look at people and think, "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh!t a better argument than that"
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05-27-2011 04:27
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never get into a fist fight with an ugly person, they have nothing to lose
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05-27-2011 04:23
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The way to a girls heart, is through your wallet.
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05-27-2011 04:20
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gonna make a FB account with the name "benefits".That way when a few ppl add me, it'll say: you and 5 other ppl r now friends with benefit
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05-27-2011 04:19
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If at first you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie!
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05-27-2011 04:17
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Forget about differences, let's talk about our similaritites. You ever wake up in the middle of the night, and you don't know what freakin' day it is?
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05-27-2011 02:31 by
Danmanz
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