Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Believing Harold Camp is kinda like believing O.J. Simpson as a character witness at a murder trial

   Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long if your morbidly obese.

   Girls who are on the same menstrual cycle as their friends should basically be referred to as gang members... that's how dangerous they are.

   My relationship status with Adobe Photoshop is "It's Complicated"

   some people decided to put their umbrellas up when it was raining intelligence

   What do you mean I'm being sarcastic? I don't even know what sarcasm is!

   I'm wearing shorts today..just resized how much pee splashes when your going pee in the toilet..

   My middle finger gets a stiffy when I think of you

   My life needs more explosions and gaping plot holes.

   True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"

   Shouldn't all the parking spots at Walmart be handicapped?

   "Right." - Fred

   Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to

   Game, set, match equals tennis. Set, match, run equals arson.

   I bet George Wendt's web browser has a lot of open tabs.

   Congressman Weiner accused of sending photos of his weiner to a college co-ed....too funny

   drinking beer so I can drive to the store tomorrow to return the deposit bottles so I can afford to buy gas so I may go get more beer this weekend. Its an endless cycle.

   I Helped an old lady cross the street today...had to .she was on my hood..!!!

   best pickup line of the day..."Ya wanna f**k or do I owe you an apology?"

   Marriage tip #392: Don't ever, ever start an argument with your wife with "Your f**kin' mother"......