Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Friends: Just because I ask you to go somewhere or do something doesn't mean I'm offering to pay your share of it.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well Doc , there I was sitting on the crapper with nothing to read and then I spotted my wife's wax . The rest of the story speaks for itself .
←Rate | 06-22-2011 11:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a girlfriend who speaks a foreign language you dont understand can be tricky. She could receive a call from her secret lover and talk to him right in your face and you would never have a clue.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 11:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to follow my dreams, but then they got a restraining order.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 10:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anybody who says they could never conceive of killing another human being just needs to meet more people.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 10:16 by G Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't like the way I think, simple Unfriend me, as my day, life, won't stop because of it.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 10:14 by G Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone I like deletes me, I think "Why? What did I do?" Then I eat real food, have real sex and high five real people I actually know ;
←Rate | 06-22-2011 10:14 by gigi Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is not the status message that you are looking for. Move along.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jeeziz. Three hours sleep. Where's Casey Anthony with the chloroform when you need her?
←Rate | 06-22-2011 07:18 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Give an octopus nunchuks, no one's eating fish ever again.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 06:00 by JC the Brainless Wonder Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cyclists want to be treated like motorists until there's a red light. then all of a sudden they are pedestrians
←Rate | 06-22-2011 05:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, If you get to a point in a relationship where you have to clamp your legs shut to get him to behave the way you want him to, the relationship is already over!
←Rate | 06-22-2011 03:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The iPhone auto-corrects "tits" to "toys". Real mature Steve Jobs.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 03:15 by Shuttdogg | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never dreamed that motherhood would include telling my boys: "Don't pee on the lawn mower!"
←Rate | 06-22-2011 02:20 by Hot Tea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Government cheese makes the world a better place!
←Rate | 06-22-2011 00:32 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon was glad to see it was "peter tweeter" Anthony Weiner's last day in office but I was a bit dismayed when I heard that Gary Busey was slotted as his interim replacement.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 00:17 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon If "graphic pictures" will be required on cigarette packs, then I want to see graphic pics of ugly babies on condoms and ugly chicks WITHOUT goggles on beer bottles.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 23:17 by Carol Costello Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do they try to make pet food in TV commercials look good to humans?
←Rate | 06-21-2011 22:29 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our relationship was like the Fourth of July. It started with fireworks but was over by the end of the night.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 22:21 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon B**ch please. Don't confuse hate with jealousy.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 22:19 by BEGO Comments (0)  



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