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My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka. 
the art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook!!!
misses being naked and playing twister with the cat.
just told my kids about the Casey Anthiny verdict and that if they didn't shape up I was moving the family to Florida
Some girl in China lost her virginity at 12, her name was 'SUM YUNG HO'
Facebook Skype: now married people can cheat via Skype while watering their crops on FarmVille.
Casey Anthony must be a slut, it took 12 people to get her off..
What did 0 say to 8? "Hey, nice belt!
if Casey Anthony didn't pay her taxes, she'd be in prison right now
I wonder if that Casey Anthony chic is single?.... She's gotta be a Maniac in the bedroom!!.
wants to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.
After being dumped, everyone should have the right to tie their ex up and interrogate them.
I don't get why all my drug dealers are so unreliable?
Before we work on artificial intelligence, Why don't we do somthing about natural stupidity?
Dear girl with flip flops on and has six toes. I enjoy your confidence but let's get some boots on
There should be a temporary ignore function on cell phones.
Remembers the days when editing a photo involved for scissors and tape...
Still Cant Believe Were More Than Halfway Through This Year o:
Please, smart people, stop getting out of jury duty.
I hope the penalty for providing false information to law enforcement officers includes sterilization. 