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A beer bottle may not be shaped like a Boomerang but it still comes back to me every weekend :-D ;-) :-) 
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on
My body is not a temple…it's a distillery with legs.
facebook should have a 'I AM ON THE RAG' notification for women
Who needs soap operas, talk shows, reality tv, newspapers, and books when there is Facebook!
The reality is that if you have a job that requires a name tag, I'll never give a crap what your name is
I never feel as much panic as I do when the cashier asks me if I have their member card yet.
My life must be a circus. My family expects me to jump through hoops, the people I work with are clowns, I'm juggling career and personal life, and the whole darn thing is a balancing act!
you would think Mrs Brady would have got her crabs from Sam The Butcher...
Just once in my life I'd like to see a liars pants actually catch on damn fire...
I understand I only pay $50 a month, but think you can "BOOST" my signal so I can get service
Shutting down the computer and realizing you need it again -_-
got gas earlier for $1.39!!! Too bad it was from Taco Bell...
If your back boobs are bigger than your front boobs, a strapless sundress may not be the best look for you
Dear god I love you and always will..but can you explain one thing to me :::: Mosquitos ...WHY..???
getting d̶r̶u̶n̶k̶ deliciously enlightened
just finished a trip down memory lane.. amnesia never sounded so good
HAPPY CANADA DAY! It's like the 4th of July but with real beer!
Google+ is going to Myspace facebook... Yes, I used Myspace as a verb.
remembering when it was cool to date a cheerleader.. now i`m 30 and it`s creepy?
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