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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Why didn't Lebron James go to college? Because he didn't want to show up for the finals.
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06-13-2011 16:44
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If my fortune cookie said "You will die a violent death today," I would still add "in bed" to the end and laugh.
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06-13-2011 16:34 by
@The69Sheriff
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I am pretty certain it is easier to become a Navy SEAL than it is to get a damn fly out of my car.
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06-13-2011 15:47 by
Marshall the Great
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My veterinarian is also a taxidermist and has a sign on his office door reading,"Either Way, You Get Your Dog Back!"
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06-13-2011 15:45
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The awkward moment when you`re at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at by the wife so you just stand their and pet the dog.
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06-13-2011 15:41
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Try to change your perspective. Instead of thinking, "I'm still unemployed," think "This is the longest vacation ever!"
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06-13-2011 15:40 by
Marshall the Great
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It always seems like as soon as you start to figure out that life is a real b!tch, it has puppies.
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06-13-2011 15:39 by
Marshall the Great
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I asked my girlfriend to pour some sugar on me. That stuff is basically like sand, and I feel sticky and itchy as hell. F*ck you, Def Leppard.
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06-13-2011 15:37 by
Marshall the Great
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has reached the age where I can't function without my glasses, especially when they're empty.
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06-13-2011 15:35 by
Marshall the Great
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There are 470 tiles on my church's ceiling.
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06-13-2011 15:32
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Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
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06-13-2011 15:02
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So a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender turns around and says, “What is this … a joke?”
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06-13-2011 14:54 by
Mahdi H
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My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
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06-13-2011 14:52
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shocked.. who would have known Kim Kardashian would get a ring before LeBron James!
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06-13-2011 14:46
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Harold Camping must not have realized that the rapture was just going to be for him...
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06-13-2011 14:43
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always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, just incase
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06-13-2011 14:25 by
kibobi
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Once in a while you need to ask yourself, If sex was removed from your relationship, would you still be together. Would you still have a relationship to talk about? Or you owe your relationship to great sex?
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06-13-2011 14:21
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sex a benefit of a relationship or is a relationship a benefit of sex?
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06-13-2011 13:54
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I'm not a Dallas or Miami fan, could care less who won and the Lebron james jokes are stupid.....Kill Yourselves
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06-13-2011 13:51 by
SeanyB
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I know I am not getting any action when my wife comes to bed wearing skinny jeans. Thats her code for you piss me off so you not getting any tonight.
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06-13-2011 13:47
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