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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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4 out of 5 voices in my head say “go for it”
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07-13-2011 16:32
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Why don't people ever hoard good stuff? I if I were a hoarder, I'd have a house full of cupcakes and slip-n-slides.
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07-13-2011 16:22 by
SuthernFukr
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The majority of life's greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
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07-13-2011 16:16 by
SuthernFukr
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Did you know? Its impossible to say “Good Eye Might” without sounding Australian? LIKE if you tried.
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07-13-2011 15:53 by
Zep
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay, the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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07-13-2011 14:56 by
CJ
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Excuses are like backsides. Everybody's got one and they all stink.
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07-13-2011 14:52 by
CJ
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I have planned to be very spontaneous today
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07-13-2011 14:41
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The future is not a place where you go, It's a place you create.
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07-13-2011 14:32
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Whenever I see a fat kid walking I think to myself "why walk when you could just roll"?
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07-13-2011 14:24
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Don't you dare come back running to me when you get treated the exact same way you treated me.
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07-13-2011 13:52 by
KISSTOPHER
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Too many funerals and not enough graduations. Too many baby showers, not enough weddings.
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07-13-2011 13:41 by
NO BODY
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someone accused me of being patronizing! that means I treat people like their stupid.
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07-13-2011 13:35
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Dear Enemies, I have so much more for you to be mad about. Just be patient.
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07-13-2011 13:34 by
KISSTOPHER
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I tell people secrets, it makes them like me.
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07-13-2011 13:01 by
ninjakinja
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Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now.
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07-13-2011 12:36 by
Aaron
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Remember, if you don't sin Jesus died for nothing
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07-13-2011 12:28 by
MNMs
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I like to write out my self-worth in roman numerals. It looks so much more impressive.
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07-13-2011 12:19 by
Rick H.
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well America looks like you can kill little girls and get away with it these days...Who wants to track down Bieber with me?
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07-13-2011 11:24 by
SlowMotionNinja
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If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs
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07-13-2011 11:11
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A rich girl on a safari tour in South Africa saw a crocodile for the first time.... and screamed, Oh my God! LACOSTE
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07-13-2011 11:02
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