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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Whenever I see a fat kid walking I think to myself "why walk when you could just roll"?
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07-13-2011 14:24
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Don't you dare come back running to me when you get treated the exact same way you treated me.
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07-13-2011 13:52 by
KISSTOPHER
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Too many funerals and not enough graduations. Too many baby showers, not enough weddings.
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07-13-2011 13:41 by
NO BODY
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someone accused me of being patronizing! that means I treat people like their stupid.
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07-13-2011 13:35
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Dear Enemies, I have so much more for you to be mad about. Just be patient.
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07-13-2011 13:34 by
KISSTOPHER
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I tell people secrets, it makes them like me.
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07-13-2011 13:01 by
ninjakinja
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Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now.
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07-13-2011 12:36 by
Aaron
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Remember, if you don't sin Jesus died for nothing
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07-13-2011 12:28 by
MNMs
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I like to write out my self-worth in roman numerals. It looks so much more impressive.
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07-13-2011 12:19 by
Rick H.
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well America looks like you can kill little girls and get away with it these days...Who wants to track down Bieber with me?
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07-13-2011 11:24 by
SlowMotionNinja
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If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs
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07-13-2011 11:11
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A rich girl on a safari tour in South Africa saw a crocodile for the first time.... and screamed, Oh my God! LACOSTE
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07-13-2011 11:02
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I may have opened the door, but you entered of your own free will.
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07-13-2011 10:03 by
KISSTOPHER
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Dear "LOL".....Thanks for helping me make people think their jokes were funny.
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07-13-2011 07:59
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I have a stable job but women leave right after I tell them how hard it is dealing with horses
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07-13-2011 07:45
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and beer gut and still think they're sexy...
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07-13-2011 06:50
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Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers?
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07-13-2011 06:18
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I like to keep confetti in my underwear. That way when a girl gets there she knows its party time!
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07-13-2011 01:55
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Sometimes I want to send animal crackers to PETA..... half eaten
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07-13-2011 01:54
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Even fire will break out in a sweat in this weather and then put itself out.
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07-13-2011 01:43 by
Danmanz
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