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my stomach is going "grr". does it hate me? 
Someone just told me that everything that I see in the internet isn't true.......so does that mean that there's no beautiful singles in my area dying to meet me?
"I wasn't that drunk." "Dude, you asked your girlfriend if she was single."
Dear Raisin Bran: Two scoops my a$$.
You know you've entered a ghetto neighborhood when you see a pair of shoes hanging from a telephone wire.
What are the two most important holes in a woman's body?...No, its not them you dirty bastards - its her nostrils....They allow her to breathe while she is sucking your cock
Modern music is like Taco Bell. They keep coming up with new things using the same seven ingredients.
We all could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
eating pop rocks and drinking pop. Aint dead yet..
Game Day...Here's to hoping USA wins the world cup, and a Hope Solo flash ; )
My friend accused me of gossiping. I took offense because I've heard from several sources that she is the one that gossips.
A man was arrested after he broke into a sex shop & used a blow-up doll. He was chrgd with breaking & entering & entering.
Certain things which are crucial to a given activity will show up with uncommon regularity until the day when that activity is planned, at which point the thing in question will disappear from the face of the earth.
Why are you tryin so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out
Love is in the air...and i'm wearing a gas mask.
You may be worthless to one person, but priceless to another. You just have to be smart enough to differentiate between the two.
I do my best proofreading right after I hit send
Casey Anthony turned up missing after being released from jail....Florida police plan on sending officers to investigate it----In 31 days.
If you don't have a Facebook account, all your high school friends just assume you died.
When I was a kid, I used to think that the moon followed my car
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