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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Page: 47 of 134
I just thought of something that really sucks. How are you?
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05-23-2012 15:45 by
Marshall the Great
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I spent most of the weekend interacting with real friends instead of being on Facebook. It was a horrible decision.
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05-21-2012 12:55 by
Marshall the Great
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Yesterday my coworker gave me the finger but today we're cool... this morning he high 4'd me.
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05-21-2012 12:54 by
Marshall the Great
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My computer just told me that "hgsfdahgdf.jpg" already exists... WHAT THE F*CK... I'm buying a lottery ticket.
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05-21-2012 12:53 by
Marshall the Great
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Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She's been talking for the last 2 days and doesn't seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
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05-21-2012 12:51 by
Marshall the Great
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If anyone asks, I've been here all day. You all are now apart of my alibi... don't f*ck this up!
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05-21-2012 12:50 by
Marshall the Great
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Sometimes I like to re---post my statuses that didn't get any "Likes"... because they deserve a second chance too.
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05-21-2012 03:21 by
Marshall the Great
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People only bring up your past when they are intimidated by your present!
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05-20-2012 22:46 by
Marshall the Great
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Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!!"
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05-20-2012 22:24 by
Marshall the Great
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Sometimes I look at what someone is wearing and I can't help but think, "Damn GIRL, did you give up on life?"
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05-20-2012 19:43 by
Marshall the Great
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F*CK You ↑ You ↖ You ↗ You ↙ You → You ↓ You ↩ You ↪ You ↬ You ↫ You ↪ You ↩ You ↲ You ↯ You ↱ You ↰ You ↷ You ↳ You ↶ You ↴ You ↵ And You ↺
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05-20-2012 19:41 by
Marshall the Great
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If you're offended by a woman's foul mouth... then you've probably never made one cumm! :)
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05-20-2012 17:37 by
Marshall the Great
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So this girl at a coffee bar came up to me and said I was kinda cute. Kinda? Well, thanks, you sort of fat b!tch.
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05-20-2012 17:36 by
Marshall the Great
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Dear credit card company, Your endless calls are a waste of both your time and mine. If you were dumb enough to approve me for a credit card at the height of my alcoholism... be smart now and realize my sober ass isn't payin' you sh!t.
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05-20-2012 17:34 by
Marshall the Great
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Lying in bed last night unable to sleep and my girlfriend asked me how many sexual partners I've had. Counting them certainly put me to sleep.
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05-20-2012 17:30 by
Marshall the Great
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Why isn't there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
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05-20-2012 17:24 by
Marshall the Great
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I hate when women look at me as a sex object.. Girl, objects don't move the way I do... ;)
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05-20-2012 17:21 by
Marshall the Great
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Women must love you because you are the biggest d!ck I have ever seen
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05-20-2012 16:09 by
Marshall the Great
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I had to complain to my neighbor again about her sunbathing while I am NOT at home
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05-20-2012 16:07 by
Marshall the Great
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I was born in the 70's.......which means the Doctor probably needed to use a weed whacker to get me out!
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05-20-2012 16:04 by
Marshall the Great
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