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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Based on recent observation, I honestly believe that (insert state name) is a breeding ground for Land Manatees. :-/
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07-30-2011 10:18
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the only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath.
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07-30-2011 08:04
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that weired feeling when a kid just walks up to you and says the one word s/he knows..."dadda"!
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07-30-2011 07:57
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A woman recently changed her FB status to "got my periods" 20 guys liked it and 30 commented "thank God"
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07-30-2011 06:15
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Stuck between Yeah! I have a job and Crap I have to go to work!
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07-30-2011 05:41
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Children grow up so fast. One day they're taking their 1st steps, the next they're taken away after a judge rules you're a negligent parent.
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07-30-2011 03:09 by
flinnie
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Sometimes you have to tell yourself "This the worst idea ever!" and then do it anyways.
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07-30-2011 00:37 by
SuthernFukr
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They should make Harry Potter brand condoms Protect your slytherin from hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets.
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07-30-2011 00:36 by
SuthernFukr
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some people deserve the middle finger more often
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07-30-2011 00:30
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I am actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.
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07-29-2011 23:38 by
BEGO
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so cool, you can set your clock by his 5 oclock shadow
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07-29-2011 23:37
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I'm speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I was going, Officer.
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07-29-2011 23:36 by
BEGO
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I don't think I've ever been told I'm a bad listener.
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07-29-2011 23:35 by
BEGO
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Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, but he never called his wife or mother because they were both deaf... which would actually make him the original inventor of the 'booty call' as well.
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07-29-2011 22:43
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next time you go through the drive-thru at McD, order a burger and say "can you please hold the pickle" in a sexy voice... trust me, it's worth it!
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07-29-2011 22:14 by
Downey
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The phrase "You come in handy" sounds like something an Asian masseuse might say for an extra $50
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07-29-2011 21:42 by
Brad R.
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Who else's heart skips for a split second when your girlfriend asks to use your computer?
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07-29-2011 19:44
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Just opened a new tube of pringles - but disappointed - there's only three in there, and they're all tennis ball flavour.
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07-29-2011 18:21 by
stuart_matthews
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i'm not a vegetarian but I eat animals that are
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07-29-2011 18:16 by
migasjoe
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if you have to ask how much that drink is, you probably shouldn't be drinking it
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07-29-2011 18:12 by
migasjoe
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