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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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What's the point of the Psychic Hotline if they won't tell me where my other shoe is?!?
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07-12-2011 13:12 by
SuthernFukr
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I just read that the Actor who plays Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter said he is going to become a rapper! .... can we all say Expecto Disapointmento!
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07-12-2011 13:11 by
Doc Noland
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Either I'm really drunk or you're really hot. The choice is yours.
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07-12-2011 13:08 by
Marshall the Great
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I recommend you chickens learn to talk. Nobody ever said, "Let's go get a bucket of parrot."
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07-12-2011 13:08 by
SuthernFukr
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When I sense that some one is talking down to me I like to see just how dumb I can act.
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07-12-2011 13:02 by
Marshall the Great
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I guess Amish people have to just yell out their status updates... so sad.
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07-12-2011 12:47 by
Marshall the Great
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Life is dangerous: You could slip in the shower, get hit by a bus, mauled by a bear or drown in breasts (it happens, look it up).
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07-12-2011 12:44 by
Marshall the Great
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I can see movies at any time, I'd rather have BOOZE on demand...
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07-12-2011 12:40 by
Marshall the Great
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Do you know how much more gas mileage my car would get if it didn't have to haul my fat ass around?
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07-12-2011 12:20 by
Aaron
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Did Nostradamus get it wrong with his predictions and predict the end of the News of the World?
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07-12-2011 12:15
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I'm not talented enough to type and pick my nose at the same time.
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07-12-2011 11:48
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Tattoos are bumper stickers for the soul.
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07-12-2011 11:38 by
SuthernFukr
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The stuff I never tell anyone is so much more awesome than the stuff I tell everyone.
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07-12-2011 11:36 by
SuthernFukr
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If I was the Director of NASA, I would make all of the ground crew dress up as Apes when the space shuttle Atlantis lands just to screw with them....now that would make a good movie...
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07-12-2011 10:50 by
gator
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Don't piss me off and then tell me to calm down. That's just like stabbing someone and then asking them not to bleed.
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07-12-2011 10:20 by
KISSTOPHER
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If you wink constantly while you're committing a crime, you cannot be arrested for it.
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07-12-2011 09:57 by
Aaron
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Regular a** (_!_) fat a** (__!__) tight a** (!) dumba** (_?_)
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07-12-2011 09:44 by
Dopey420
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New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
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07-12-2011 09:29 by
WhiplashWally
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How many Bears can Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill Bears?
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07-12-2011 08:40
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It's so hott, I just seen a bird blow on a worm before it ate it..
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07-12-2011 08:25 by
Wolf
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