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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I'm going to install a horn for the back of my car for retaliatory, defensive honks.
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08-02-2011 14:05 by
SuthernFukr
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"The guy you dreamed of isn't available, so they sent me instead." What all dudes should say on a first date.
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08-02-2011 14:04 by
SuthernFukr
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There are two types of people in the world: those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money.
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08-02-2011 13:48 by
SuthernFukr
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My little sister's password for the Disney website is “MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto” I asked her why, she said “They told me to use 4 characters”
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08-02-2011 12:38
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I'd go to the gym more but you have to park like 2 blocks away!
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08-02-2011 12:36
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Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money.
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08-02-2011 12:35 by
CJ
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At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture in there.
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08-02-2011 12:32 by
CJ
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Some open minds should be closed for repairs.
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08-02-2011 12:30 by
CJ
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I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning but now how it applies to me.
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08-02-2011 12:29 by
CJ
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I can leap off tall buildings in a single bound, but only once.
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08-02-2011 12:13 by
Hot Tea
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You can take a hint or you can take a hike... But you are not taking my heart.
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08-02-2011 12:11
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Never say never......or too much......or schumoblagaghadazjy, because that's hard to pronounce and doesn't mean anything.
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08-02-2011 11:41
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..... Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire ...... especially in the U. S. Congress!!
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08-02-2011 11:17
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"Sharks are like dogs. They only bite when you touch their private parts."
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08-02-2011 10:53
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If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest dammit! KNEES TO CHEST!
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08-02-2011 10:15 by
@williamhale1
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I wanna steal a donut truck and go on a high speed chase cuz I think it'll be funny watching a bunch of cops chasing a donut truck
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08-02-2011 10:15
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Did you know if you hit someone really hard with a hammer, they IMMEDIATELY start planking?
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08-02-2011 10:14 by
@williamhale1
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One packet of Kool-Aid 10 cents, one pitcher to put the Kool-Aid $2.00, drinking all the Kool-Aid and putting the almost empty container back in the fridge and having the wife blame and b*tch out the kids for it, PRICELESS
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08-02-2011 10:09 by
DaInfamousLexxx
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Just got this DVD "Hot And Horny Housewives Do Anal 3". Do you think I will understand what's going on if I've not seen 1 and 2?
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08-02-2011 09:43
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Key to a long relationship: keep the fights clean and the sex dirty
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08-02-2011 09:42
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