Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hate to sound racist, but all Oriental rugs look the same to me.

   Just once I'd like my girlfriend not to scream when I do my hilarious Stevie Wonder driving a car impression.

   If your girl gives you a "choice" preceded by an option, the option is really your only choice.

   Today is Compliment Someone Randomly Day. And may I just say that this paper bag would go beautifully with that outfit you're wearing.

   I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

   You're not living life right if you don't get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.

   Everybody deserves someone who makes them look forward to tomorrow.

   Dear Radio Stations, please do not play Katy Perry's "Friday Night" Monday morning at 8 AM during my drive to work.

   If being batsh!t crazy was as visible as a nice body some of you hot chicks would get a lot less attention.

   I hate it when people who are holding a device capable of using Google ask me stupid questions.

   Never beg a person for something that someone else is willing to give you.

   Twinkle - Twinkle little slut, name one person you havent f*cked!

   Thanks you NATO, USA, UK and everyone else who helped us in our fight to oust the Gadhafi the dictator. - LIBYAN PEOPLE

   I am a member of NSS( National Sarcastic Society).Our motto:"Like we Need your approval"

   Every time someone says "Stop" I'm always in two minds, should I respond with "Collaborate and listen/Ice is back with my brand new invention" or "Hammer Time!"...?

   Where's Waldo? (Er....Gadhafi..)

   I wasn't that drunk. " Dude, you were standing on your head screaming at people to quit walking on your ceiling.

   The next time somebody texts me with "k", I'm going to tell them that they smell like a hippo. And when they respond with "WTF??" I'm going to respond with just "k"

   when you run like a ninja to your charger when your phone is low battery

   what ever happened to blues clues? did that dog die