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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I am like that one song on your iPod that's five times louder than the rest.
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08-08-2011 02:10
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During sex, I like to freak out my girlfriend by saying stuff like, "Fu*k me like a cold glass of milk"
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08-08-2011 02:08
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Every Villain In Movies: "But before I kill you, I want to tell you this really long story so someone can come and save you"
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08-08-2011 02:07
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I took my Girlfriend to see the premier of the new Planet of the Apes film, She spent most the night signing autographs...
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08-08-2011 02:05
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"Ohhhh Shanaynay! That Hoe Just Called You Ghetto!" "Aww Hell Naw! Hold my food stamps!"
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08-08-2011 02:03
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If they lined up all of your girlfriends it would look like the cast of planet of the apes
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08-08-2011 01:41 by
jfraze
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Vampires have lost alot of street cred the last few years. They used to be scary, now everyone thinks they're a bunch of emo b*tches.
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08-08-2011 01:21
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Fell out of the boat today after watching shark week........ I swam like a two legged deer
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08-08-2011 00:54
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I used to love to give pretend shots with a mechanical pencil
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08-07-2011 23:09 by
Average Joe
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Nothing says "I have no life," quite like people who listen to Nascar on the radio.
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08-07-2011 23:09 by
Downey
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First, love yourself. Everyone else, get in line.
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08-07-2011 22:35 by
BEGO
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Never trust a gut feeling on an empty stomach.
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08-07-2011 22:31 by
BEGO
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pretty soon, Americans are going to be e-mailing Nigerians about depositing money electronically...
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08-07-2011 22:31
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I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
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08-07-2011 21:09 by
onecuwldood
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I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
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08-07-2011 21:07 by
onecuwldood
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I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
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08-07-2011 21:06 by
onecuwldood
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That was one time and I'm not allowed to have coffee anymore!....
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08-07-2011 19:42 by
Annie Xb
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Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?
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08-07-2011 19:03 by
Aaron
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I got my name tattooed on my p*n*s. My girl goes, "Stop trying to put words in my mouth."
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08-07-2011 18:59 by
MTQ
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Why does everyone think my Dad's are gay?
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08-07-2011 18:17
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