Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."

   I hope Eagles fans loaded up on batteries to throw at the hurricane, lol Philadelphia fans lol......

   I remember something traumatic from when I was two days old. The Doctor performing my circumcision looked at me, with knife in hand and said, "It won't be long now!"

   Big Pool Party Going On Saturday Night,Through Sunday.Hosted By Hurricane Irene..Music By:Raindrops,Thunder,Wind&Guest Apperence By Lightning.This Gonna Get Crazy Get Your Life Jackets.

   Was driving a van full of women to a Jimmy Buffett concert. Saw a sign that read 25 MPH. I thought to myself, "Twenty five Menopausal Parrot Heads is right.

   Watching hurricane reporter standing in the surf. The weirdness in me is waiting for a shark to get him. Sorry.......

   Marc Anthony: "Let it rain over me!" R. Kelly: "Are you sure?"

   no those jeans don't make your a55 look big...it's your a55 that make those jeans look small.

   If you plugged your nose and your mouth while you sneezed, would it come out of your ears or would your head explode?

   Volunteering in times of crisis is good. I just called the local strip club to call me immediately if they lose power. I'm ready to help out.

   Camping. Camping? Listen up Mr. and Mrs.Field and Stream...My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6 with no cable.

   The best way to make somebody remember you is,borrow money from them..

   Never trust a skinny chef

   pull out the umbrella... somebody just rained on my parade

   I Rock, Therefore I Am. I'm Stoned, Therefore I Have the Munchies.

   I just made a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico, Thanks Irene

   thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!

   ‎5 reasons hurricanes are like Christmas...5) Family & friends out-of state-calling you 4) Last minute shopping in crowded stores 3) Days off from work 2) Candles 1) And at some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!

   Beauty without virtue is like a rose without scent.

   I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. --Vonnegut