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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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At some point I'm gonna have to start foingto the gym or do crystal meth. Just Sayin
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08-09-2011 23:39 by
Johncampbelll
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ever notice they can gossip for 2 mins on the radio about the kardashians, but they only have 10 secs for the weather or traffic??
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08-09-2011 23:26 by
Carolynn
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If my bosses don't come through soon with an iPhone, iPod, iTouch, and iPad to elevate my job-based technology access, then I'll be giving them a spanking new iQuit.
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08-09-2011 22:43
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LIKE if your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you'll do it in ten minutes then you never do it.
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08-09-2011 22:40 by
BEGO
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When a woman compliments me on my looks, I assume she's ovulating or something.
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08-09-2011 22:19 by
Doc Noland
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I bought a new roll of Bounty paper towels and misplaced them. Does that make me a bounty hunter now?
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08-09-2011 21:28
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I sometimes feel alone and insignificant, especially when people turn out the lights while I'm still in the bathroom
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08-09-2011 20:52 by
roxy
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There's nothing wrong with being short. You may be the last to know when it rains but you're the first to know when there is a flood.
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08-09-2011 20:48
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Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy. But rain on a woman wearing a white T-shirt and no bra makes me VERY happy!
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08-09-2011 20:22
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When a package says "Easy open" I end up using a knife, scissors, hammer, gun and a lightsaber.
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08-09-2011 19:04
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Ghetto Word of the Day: Decide “My boy fronting like he love his girl, but errbody know he got a couple of chicks on decide”.
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08-09-2011 19:03
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Just because your a great grand-mother does not give you the right to wear "Juicy" on the seat of your pants...
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08-09-2011 18:39 by
Rick H.
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based on your status updates I've come to the conclusion that you enjoy being miserable and I have no sympathy for you.
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08-09-2011 18:13
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'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton
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08-09-2011 17:20
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Flexible people are lucky, when they feel a lack of praise, they can bend over and kiss their own asses :P
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08-09-2011 16:45
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Drinking and driving is twice the fun in the snow
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08-09-2011 16:13 by
jdirt
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When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus
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08-09-2011 16:12 by
jdirt
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When stopped by the police and asked if you have any drugs or firearms, it is never a good idea to say, "Why? What do you need?"
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08-09-2011 15:48
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Twitter account ✔ Facebook ✔ Google Plus ✔ Youtube ✔ Messenger✔ Skype ✔ "Dude do you have a life?" "OMG!! No, send me the link!" :P
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08-09-2011 15:39 by
Nithin
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Midas' touch, Baby! Uh huh, I gots it! Everything I'm touching is turning to gold today. Oh yeah! Wait. Never mind. F**king Cheetos.
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08-09-2011 15:36 by
Mick F
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