Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I didn't get fired, I just got demoted to customer.

   You were on my good side, until you told me that you believe Elvis is still alive.

   Dear Budget Models; the bathroom is for sh*tting, pissing and showering, not for photo shoots

   when you r I'll suddenly everyone around you is a doctor

   I hate Costco and its costconians on the weekend. Is it really that difficult to move aside while trying to devour your 27th sample? It is not like you're trying to balance fine China on a stick, you're putting a cheese square into yo

   Did you know that you can't tap your thumb knuckle against your bottom teeth with your eyes closed over 16 times without getting dizzy?

   If you wear a "come at me bro" shirt, I'm coming at you. If you wear a "free hugs" shirt, I'm grabbing you and spinning you around. If you don't like a stranger doing this maybe you shouldn't falsely advertise.

   I can rise or shine...take your pick.

   Do you have a weakness? Cupcakes... and porn..Not at the same time! I need a free hand.

   Dear Stalker: Stop looking in my windows or I'll flash you......and believe me....it's not pretty!!!

   Don't worry, one day you and everyone you know will be dead. Have a nice day! :)

   i heard tim pawlenty has pulled out of the GOP race. Well I guess he can now finally go back to his regular job as being nicholas cages stunt double. oh wait hes jobless too...my bad

   I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

   Once again, its time for me to break my foot off in your 'John-Browne Hine-Parts'. (Not sure what that means...heard it in 'Remember the Titans'....it sounds scary tho!!!)

   Good thing these facebook pokes are cyber based. If they were real and unprotected, I wouldn't have a family, I'd have a city.

   My Uncle always told me our side of the family had Irish Alzhiemers , That's where you forget everything but the grudge

   I'm at the Dentist. He looks in my mouth and says, "Holy smoke! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen!" I said, "I heard you the first time, Doc, sheesh." He goes, "That was an echo."

   why are most king-size comforters so ugly? My bed is not an obese woman in need of a flowered, polyester muumuu.

   Anything unrelated to elephants is irrELEPHANT

   Are they selling Tapout shirts by the pound now? That, or all these chubby kids in the mall actually ARE cage fighters...