Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I speak 3 languages ENGLISH, SARCASM, & SEXUAL INNUENDOS

   So if 69 is... you know... is 99 planking?

   I swear my touchscreen phone touches its self when no one is looking

   "YOU SHOULD'VE COME WITH US!" well, inviting me would've helped..

   Love is like your shadow...the more steps you make towards it the further it moves away from you...but yet it follows you around your whole life.

   Don't ever break a pinkie promise. That stuff is legit and legally binding.

   There are two types of people I hate in this world: Nosey people AND people who won't tell me what the hell is going on in their lives.

   I hate it when I have to smile at all the old people I come across just to reassure them that I am not a teenage thug up to no good.

   Love is Love and Sex is Sex. You don't need to be in love to have sex but you need good sex to stay in love. Some people's sex will make you fall in love.

   thankful for my mistakes for they have been my greatest teachers... Happy Teacher's Day.!!

   There's no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.

   How do you tell a girl you like her? Break into her house and write it on the walls in your own blood. Like any normal person would.

   Happiness is an attitude, not a task. Stress is a choice, not an option.

   Tell me then, does love make one a fool or do only fools fall in love?

   waiting for the spider to realize that the magazine she balled up isn't for reading. Oh wait, it just did..

   It's Labor Day weekend and I am still deep in LABOR.......

   I'm 16 weeks and I'm craving for a facebook game for Men to Confuse the Ladies!!!!

   my birthday is everyday thats why I don't do nothing special on my birthday.....its just another day.

   Alright, who else here thinks Combos pretzel snacks look suspiciously like Snausages dog treats?!

   Teacher: You failed the test! Me: You failed to educate me.