Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don't mix.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 10:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said, “Forget everything you know about kitchen knives.” So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me knives, and I didn't know what they were!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 10:30 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon Today, I found out that ‘Made in China' stickers are made in Korea. Mind = BLOWN!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 10:07 by SuthernFukr Comments (1)  


   messageicon The Lord works in mysterious ways… Just like those road maintenance guys.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 10:07 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 10:05 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's a little bit of advice for you.. advi
←Rate | 09-02-2011 10:04 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook should change the status question from “What's on your mind?” to “What's your problem today?”
←Rate | 09-02-2011 10:03 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girl: oh sh*t you feeling real freaky so you brought whip cream cherries and the syrup Guy: no b*tch I just wanted a sundae!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 09:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon and God said, "Let there be Friday" ..and the devil said, "Let there be beer"
←Rate | 09-02-2011 09:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your lips are tasting like Vodka and I just wanna get wasted.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 09:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear huge spider that was in my shower, I'm sorry I killed you. The ugly fact of nature is I was just bigger than you. Had you been a hungry tiger...It would be me waded up in a kleen
←Rate | 09-02-2011 09:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything...
←Rate | 09-02-2011 09:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am just happy to be real, in a world that has gone FAKE.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 08:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're the best part of my day
←Rate | 09-02-2011 08:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's to anyone who has had their heart broken by someone... they have never dated.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 08:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All of my old friends pretend to be content upon a shelf. They've all got little lives and little wives and little lies but little else.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 08:03 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 07:44 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon someone ended a tweet to me with "STFU." I've no doubt they were referring to St. Fu the patron saint of long mustaches.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 07:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 06:53 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon The irony of a blow job; Even though you've got her on her knees, she still has got you by the balls!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 05:59 by KISSTOPHER | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  



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