Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon and God said, "Let there be Friday" ..and the devil said, "Let there be beer"
←Rate | 09-02-2011 09:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your lips are tasting like Vodka and I just wanna get wasted.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 09:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear huge spider that was in my shower, I'm sorry I killed you. The ugly fact of nature is I was just bigger than you. Had you been a hungry tiger...It would be me waded up in a kleen
←Rate | 09-02-2011 09:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything...
←Rate | 09-02-2011 09:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am just happy to be real, in a world that has gone FAKE.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 08:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're the best part of my day
←Rate | 09-02-2011 08:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's to anyone who has had their heart broken by someone... they have never dated.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 08:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All of my old friends pretend to be content upon a shelf. They've all got little lives and little wives and little lies but little else.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 08:03 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 07:44 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon someone ended a tweet to me with "STFU." I've no doubt they were referring to St. Fu the patron saint of long mustaches.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 07:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 06:53 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon The irony of a blow job; Even though you've got her on her knees, she still has got you by the balls!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 05:59 by KISSTOPHER | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I can make ONE person smile, laugh, or feel good about themselves every single day, then my purpose on this earth has been fulfilled. Everything else is there just to pass the time.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Admit it, we all feel much worse for the homeless guy's dog than we do for the homeless guy
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I challenge you to name a more frightening experience than seeing a police car make a u-turn behind you
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:17 by flinnie Comments (3)  


   messageicon I really hope the guy from Microsoft can take some time out from his busy schedule to read the hundreds of error reports I send him daily
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had to put my pet rock to sleep. It attacked all my pet scissors.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts
←Rate | 09-02-2011 03:12 by Adri Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's three ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way and the way that I do it.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 03:05 by Adri Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are never quite as entertaining as when you come home from your night shift, walk head first thru a spider web, and dance the "Unmanly Web Tango" for the delight of all your neighbors, your teenage son, and his friends at the bus stop.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 03:02 by JBabcock Comments (0)  



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