Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon In other news Apple bans apples from all grocery stores.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 00:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon really need to stop phoning my mobile to find out where I've put it then thinking “Oooh, missed call!” when I find it. What a dumbass
←Rate | 09-06-2011 23:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who the fock am I kidding....I'm watching ESPN and having a beer(s)
←Rate | 09-06-2011 22:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The next Bond title already causing controversy. "Pissypants Fingerbang".
←Rate | 09-06-2011 22:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I nicknamed my legs ‘options' because I like to keep them open.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 22:07 by A is for me Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Grandfather died at Auschwitz.......he got drunk and fell out of a guard tower
←Rate | 09-06-2011 21:56 by Banjaxed | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 21:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ask for my opinion, don't get upset when I give it to you.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 21:25 by glt23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This girl was staring at me while licking her lips and I thought to myself 'Wow! She's really flexible.'
←Rate | 09-06-2011 21:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else think Ashley on "Hardcore Pawn" comes off as such a C you Next Tuesday?
←Rate | 09-06-2011 21:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I put sea salt on fish, I wonder if they may already know each other.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 21:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm feeling a little superheroish, so tonight I'm wearing my speedo on top of my jeans when I go out.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In life, success is determined by the amount of sh!t you can take
←Rate | 09-06-2011 20:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the Dove is the bird of love, then the bird of birth control is the Swallow.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 20:34 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been dating this girl for only 2 days, and already she is complaining. She says, " When you told me you were hung like a horse, I didn't know you meant a Seahorse"
←Rate | 09-06-2011 20:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 20:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon crap! woke up with a pulse! guess I'm gonna have to work now!
←Rate | 09-06-2011 19:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon am I the only human being that hates that fake fruit on cereal?
←Rate | 09-06-2011 19:11 by gee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were an OBGYN my catchphrases would be "at your cervix!" and "not guilty your honer!"
←Rate | 09-06-2011 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i didn't know Jonah Hill was gonna be on Dancing with the Stars ...this should be interesting.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 19:05 Comments (0)  



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