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In other news Apple bans apples from all grocery stores.
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09-07-2011 00:49
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really need to stop phoning my mobile to find out where I've put it then thinking “Oooh, missed call!” when I find it. What a dumbass
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09-06-2011 23:03
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Cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who the fock am I kidding....I'm watching ESPN and having a beer(s)
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09-06-2011 22:56
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The next Bond title already causing controversy. "Pissypants Fingerbang".
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09-06-2011 22:50
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I nicknamed my legs ‘options' because I like to keep them open.
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09-06-2011 22:07 by
A is for me
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My Grandfather died at Auschwitz.......he got drunk and fell out of a guard tower
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09-06-2011 21:56 by
Banjaxed
| Tags: Filtered
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Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
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09-06-2011 21:55
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If you ask for my opinion, don't get upset when I give it to you.
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09-06-2011 21:25 by
glt23
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This girl was staring at me while licking her lips and I thought to myself 'Wow! She's really flexible.'
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09-06-2011 21:10
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Anyone else think Ashley on "Hardcore Pawn" comes off as such a C you Next Tuesday?
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09-06-2011 21:08
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When I put sea salt on fish, I wonder if they may already know each other.
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09-06-2011 21:02
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I'm feeling a little superheroish, so tonight I'm wearing my speedo on top of my jeans when I go out.
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09-06-2011 20:40
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In life, success is determined by the amount of sh!t you can take
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09-06-2011 20:38
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If the Dove is the bird of love, then the bird of birth control is the Swallow.
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09-06-2011 20:34 by
@cdowney84
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I've been dating this girl for only 2 days, and already she is complaining. She says, " When you told me you were hung like a horse, I didn't know you meant a Seahorse"
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09-06-2011 20:10
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Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
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09-06-2011 20:10
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crap! woke up with a pulse! guess I'm gonna have to work now!
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09-06-2011 19:53
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am I the only human being that hates that fake fruit on cereal?
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09-06-2011 19:11 by
gee
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If I were an OBGYN my catchphrases would be "at your cervix!" and "not guilty your honer!"
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09-06-2011 19:07
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i didn't know Jonah Hill was gonna be on Dancing with the Stars ...this should be interesting.
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09-06-2011 19:05
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