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While single, focus on becoming a better person instead of focusing on finding someone better than your ex. A better you will attract a better next. 
You still mean everything to me, but you're just not worth the fight or my time and effort anymore.
Generally, I'm a nice person. Just don't push the b**ch button.
You can't change a Hoe Into a Wife just as much as you can't change a Player into a Husband.
The sickening feeling of disappointment you get when a girl you have a crush on calls you "brother"
Coffee and cigarettes together it seems are my homebrew version of Ex-Lax
I am that little chocolate you find when you least expect it and need it the most!!
you know your joke is bad when you cant even give yourself a thumbs up
my idea of a situp is when I first get up in the morning
I wonder if Sarah Palin could see Russia from on top of Glen Rice.
Lead, follow, or get the heck out of the way
It's difficult to have a committed relationship with a schizophrenic. They're always seeing other people.
I'm pretty awesome at tripping over stuff that isn't even there.
It's always a blizzard when Michael J. Fox holds a snow globe.
Obama checks Declaration of Independence.. fails to find National Treasure map on back.
Study: 50% of Jumbotron Marriage Proposals.. End in Jumbotron Divorce.
My dad pulled me aside today, teary-eyed. Told me to sit down.. I braced myself. He said "There's going to be a third Bridget Jones movie."
"Chicken of the Sea" is both a delicious brand of tuna.. and the best way to insult a pirate.
Many years ago, I was kicked out of the Beastie Boys for suggesting that partying was more of a privilege than a right.
No one will be making fun of Chaz Bono, when Nancy Grace has a wardrobe malfunction on Dancing with the Stars and her Johnson pops out. 