Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Dear toilet paper makers, We've all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the middle softer. Sincerely, Our asses.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 15:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My pimp hand is like Verizon, all it takes is one smack and you better believe that b!tch "can hear me now."
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon To my neighbor dude who just saw me smoking outside without pants on: I'm sorry. To his wife: You're welcome.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever get sent to prison the first thing I'm gonna do is hunt up the tattoo guy and have him put a red aids awareness ribbon on each butt cheek.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's one for the women.......................... It's a 5-speed vibrator kind of day.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job? What's so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put the alcohol in Alzheimer's. Not in the word... I just like to get old people drunk. Then I tell them I'm their son and borrow money.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a guy with an eye patch today, so of course I had to ask him how the fun and games were before the injury.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all the women I've loved before, I have found someone better.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing's more disappointing than getting a message, hoping it's from that girl you love, and it turns out to be from your wife instead.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Starbucks now sells coffee in a 32oz size, called a "trenta"... For those of you who feel like having diarrhea ALL day
←Rate | 09-14-2011 13:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon whenever I watch an old 60's or 70's movie I wonder how cool it wouldve been to live then, then I realized 90 percent of what I do would take an hour on a rotatory phone and sending 5 letters a day...go 2000's
←Rate | 09-14-2011 13:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 46% of violence on T.V. occurs in cartoons.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 13:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you repent, make sure you have sinned
←Rate | 09-14-2011 13:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't have to get well soon. Take your sweet time.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 13:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Sorry, I didn't mean to break your liver.” – someone who is not an expert at breaking hearts.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 13:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yeah, you look smart but I don't trust my eyesight much.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 13:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Music caters to every type of moment, mood and moron.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 13:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zombway....Eat Flesh.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 13:02 by JustCuz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have haters..I have confuse admires.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 12:54 Comments (0)  



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