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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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"When life handed ME lemonaid I turned it into Hard Lemonaid"- Mike
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09-13-2011 12:51 by
JBabcock
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If you want to find a missing person, put their pictures on cigarettes. Smokers are the only ones standing outside in all kinds of weather.
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09-13-2011 12:40 by
SuthernFukr
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come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I heard a car alarm go off for a legit reason
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09-13-2011 12:37
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ESPN's Ron Jaworski just apologized for saying "sh*t" live on the air during Monday Night Football. Which just goes to prove that 90% of sportscasters don't notice to all the dumb krap that comes outta there own mouths anyway.
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09-13-2011 12:33 by
JBabcock
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Bank of America puts the "fun" in overfunded bailout money receivers.
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09-13-2011 12:22 by
JBabcock
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I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide on your birthday.
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09-13-2011 12:20
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"When life handed me political aides I turned them into Lemonaides"- Bill Clinton
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09-13-2011 12:09 by
JBabcock
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The only yoga stretch I have perfected is the yawn.
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09-13-2011 12:05 by
Bobo The Chimp
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Just burped a raptor call..
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09-13-2011 12:05
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¡¡¡ ʎɐʍʎuɐ ʎɐpɥʇɹıq ʎddɐɥ llǝʍ ˙pǝxıɟ ɹǝʇndɯoɔ ʎɯ ʇǝƃ ɐʇʇoƃ ı ʍou ʇnq ʇuǝsǝɹd ɐ noʎ ʇǝƃ oʇ ʎǝuoɯ ɐɹʇxǝ ǝɯos pɐɥ ı ˙ʎppnq ʎɹɹos
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09-13-2011 12:03 by
JBabcock
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God-damnit, you are giving me attitude, stress, grief, heartache and you are not even my girlfriend.
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09-13-2011 12:00
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"This is your status update.sƃnɹp uo ǝʇɐpdn snʇɐʇs ɹnoʎ sı sıɥʇ. Any questions?"- Nancy Reagan
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09-13-2011 11:33 by
JBabcock
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Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
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09-13-2011 11:16 by
SuthernFukr
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I thank, therefore you're welcome.
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09-13-2011 11:15 by
SuthernFukr
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The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
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09-13-2011 11:15 by
SuthernFukr
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Tired apostrophes risk falling into a comma.
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09-13-2011 11:14 by
SuthernFukr
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Poodles aren't as absorbent as they look.
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09-13-2011 11:13 by
SuthernFukr
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sure I can see the glass as half full,,,of crap!
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09-13-2011 11:09
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Even my pet rock has followers on Twitter proving that Twitter is for retards.
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09-13-2011 10:57
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3 Tampons are walking down the street, Maxi, Slim, and Ultra. Which one says "Hello"? None, they're all stuck up c**ts!!!
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09-13-2011 10:55 by
MTQ
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