Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Please stop looking so attractive. I m trying to stop liking you.

   Never fear the unknown; embrace it! Never avoid challenges; welcome them! Never fear negativity; laugh at it! Never walk away from difficulties; confront them! True success can never be achieved without overcoming some sort of obstacles!

   If you update your status more than three times in any 24hour period you have too much time on your hands - and should probably get a job.

   The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.

   so..nasa says your not allowed to sell any part of the satellite on ebay thats hurtling towards earth at 5 miles per second. 5 miles per seocnd?..is their going to be anything left to sell then?

   Rabity Ear Antennae users and Direct TV customers will finally have clearer reception tomorrow as the Satlellite approaches closer- Sat they will be back to fuzzy logic!

   time to get the Atari out and take care of this falling satellite...

   this uhh jersey shore show that my kids watch... is it like a facebook in reality.. t.v show ? just doesnt make sense to me .

   Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.

   I like to go to the store, ask for help, get real close to the employee and whisper "Where is your lice medicine" just for the reaction

   dont laugh at ur friends if they start sounding like chicken little this next week..."the sky is falling"

   When women talk to each other, the devil sits in a corner, quietly listening and learning.

   I DIDN'T SAY THAT YOUR GIRL WAS A $LUT! I MERELY INDICATED THAT HER "PRIVATE PARTS" WERE MORE LIKE "PUBLIC PARTS"

   My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

   Thanks Facebook for reporting my friends non-important events in real time :( Pretty certain that is the definition of tattling!

   I took my ex Eileen to an orgy party one time, You should have seen the mess she was in when they started playing Dexy's midnight runners every 10min

   Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "did she really just say that?"

   I was going to type the best status message ever! It was going to be profound, changing, maybe even life altering. But then all of the sudden...I had to poop!

   Green grape says to the purple grape "breathe idiot , breathe!!!

   Lady in the commercial for the life alert necklace said she fell. Laid there for 8 hours til her friend came. MY question, why didn't the cameraman help her up?