Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The most useful tool in the office is the stapler, because if a coworker doesn't shut up you can staple his shirt to their chair and simply throw it at them.

   You KNOW the economy is bad when the dancers at this strip club are walking around with change belts. I guess it's time to make it HAIL on these b!tches!!

   But if they stop selling Hummers how are we gonna know who's got a small pen!s?

   To be honest, I'm just trying to look busy until that new Muppet movie comes out.

   WELL THE YARD SALE WENT WELL ......$27,000 DOLLARS .......WE WILL BE OFF TO MIAMI FOR A FEW DAYS .....I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE HERE WHEN THE NEIGHBORS NOTCE THEIR BARBEQUE GRILLS, PATIO FURNITURE AND POTTED PLANTS ARE MISSING ..... TA TA !!!!!

   Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don't want to know."

   Release frustration wisely: Have angry sex.

   After seeing Nancy Grace's nipple slip on Dancing With The Stars....I must say I will never eat bologna again!! Thanks alot Nancy!!

   We need to stop calling Wednesday "Hump Day." Anyone with children knows that humping doesn't happen on school nights.

   Guess who just discovered the bipolar emoticon? :):

   Face your problems,Don't Facebook them!

   Some people have thousands of friends on Facebook, then they turn off the computer and they have nobody.

   It sucks when the ugly friend is the only one that is interested in you.

   Saw a Chinese baby and a black kid wave at each other today. Gives me hope for the future. Or another Rush Hour movie

   If you seriously get jealous of them having friends of the opposite sex on Facebook, then your a$$ deserves to be dumped.

   Ghetto Word Of The Day: HOTEL. Usage: I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the hotel everybody.

   Most things are easier said than done, I wish it was the other way around.

   The only time I've ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.

   Have you noticed each generation is getting ruder and shorter?

   The first step is admitting you're a problem.