Pro Tip: When one of your roomies is having a fight with his girlfriend, always take sides with the girl - that way you'll get first shag if they split.
Two guys are in a gym locker room, one is putting on lace thong. "Since when do you wear women's thongs?" "Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"
I hate Fridays that aren't payday. Sometimes this day makes me wish I had a Viking Helm so I could walk into the payroll office and yell "It's MY money and I need it nooooow!!!"
ESPN's Ron Jaworski just apologized for saying "sh*t" live on the air during Monday Night Football. Which just goes to prove that 90% of sportscasters don't notice to all the dumb krap that comes outta there own mouths anyway.