Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you get nervous during sex, just pretend like everyone watching you is naked.

   Women rarely tell their age and men rarely act theirs.

   With the way some people make you feel guilty about discussing sex, you would think God created the human body and the devil slapped on the genitals.

   I think I might be coming down with a "woman cold", it's sorta like a "man cold", but somehow I can manage to clean, do laundry, and take care of myself.

   Just saw a hot girl delivering pizza. NOT in porn--for an actual job. The American economy is worse than we realize

   "I hate cats." - Curiosity

   Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills

   I just told my kids that our dog died, when in reality he went off to live happily on a farm somewhere

   I've just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn't need my assistance, so I'm going back to bed

   Its hard to love someone you don't trust. Its even harder to love someone who doesn't trust you.

   I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.

   Hey Monday┌П┐(◕‿◕) ┌П┐

   I'm an advocate for all those who cannot talk for themselves, like my middle finger for example

   I just wan't some head, you can keep the sex.

   The uneasy Sunday church moment when you know that same chick in the choir got rained on with dollars last night at the strip club.

   I got life alert just in case I ever get a life.

   People Dont Leave bad Companies, But they leave Bad Bosses

   OK let's get this straight. You are human tennis elbow, a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth, kitty litter on the floor when you're walking barefoot in the middle of the night... Why don't you like me?

   To every girl suffering from many friend request..............Put your real picture without makeup as your profile pic.

   They should invent a game for people with bad breath.. I would call it "Taste the Colgate!"