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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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It used to be that a lady didn't kiss on the first date. But gas is 4 dollars a gallon, 1 date counts as 3 now.
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09-15-2011 01:31
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When you really want to slap someone, do it and say "mosquito."
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09-15-2011 01:18
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Sometimes, in order to get a clearer picture of things, you must take a few steps back.
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09-15-2011 01:14
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While single, focus on becoming a better person instead of focusing on finding someone better than your ex. A better you will attract a better next.
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09-15-2011 01:12
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You still mean everything to me, but you're just not worth the fight or my time and effort anymore.
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09-15-2011 01:10
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Generally, I'm a nice person. Just don't push the b**ch button.
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09-15-2011 01:08
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You can't change a Hoe Into a Wife just as much as you can't change a Player into a Husband.
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09-15-2011 01:00
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The sickening feeling of disappointment you get when a girl you have a crush on calls you "brother"
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09-15-2011 00:57
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Coffee and cigarettes together it seems are my homebrew version of Ex-Lax
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09-14-2011 23:20
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I am that little chocolate you find when you least expect it and need it the most!!
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09-14-2011 23:07 by
eaglet1122
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you know your joke is bad when you cant even give yourself a thumbs up
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09-14-2011 23:06
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my idea of a situp is when I first get up in the morning
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09-14-2011 23:04
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I wonder if Sarah Palin could see Russia from on top of Glen Rice.
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09-14-2011 22:31 by
@williamhale1
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Lead, follow, or get the heck out of the way
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09-14-2011 22:26 by
fennecfoxy
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It's difficult to have a committed relationship with a schizophrenic. They're always seeing other people.
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09-14-2011 22:19 by
BEGO
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I'm pretty awesome at tripping over stuff that isn't even there.
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09-14-2011 22:16 by
Doc Noland
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It's always a blizzard when Michael J. Fox holds a snow globe.
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09-14-2011 22:15 by
Doc Noland
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Obama checks Declaration of Independence.. fails to find National Treasure map on back.
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09-14-2011 22:12 by
jdpower
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Study: 50% of Jumbotron Marriage Proposals.. End in Jumbotron Divorce.
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09-14-2011 22:11 by
jdpower
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My dad pulled me aside today, teary-eyed. Told me to sit down.. I braced myself. He said "There's going to be a third Bridget Jones movie."
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09-14-2011 22:09 by
jdpower
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