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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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My favorite mythical creature is the Honest Politician!!
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10-04-2011 12:11 by
Dani
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just sneezed out a huge snot bubble in front of a client, so I panicked, sucked it back up my nose, and yelled "TA-DA!". Good save?
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10-04-2011 11:26 by
michelle
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Your Proctologist called and left a message, they found your head!
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10-04-2011 11:24
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I wonder if lining up beers in my refrigerator will ever stop being exciting
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10-04-2011 10:45 by
Daheavy1
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I hate long walks on beaches, picnics suck, dinner and a movie costs too much, I expect my woman to make me a sandwich, bring me a beer and not say a word while I'm watching the game.~ Honest guys eHarmny profile
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10-04-2011 10:39 by
Marshall the Great
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The road less traveled does not have 3G. I'm turning around.
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10-04-2011 10:38 by
SuthernFukr
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If I had a nickel for every GEICO commercial I've ever seen, I could buy us all car insurance.
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10-04-2011 10:37 by
SuthernFukr
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After exposure to the cast of 'Jersey Shore' an Italian Jury has decided that Amanda Knox isn't so bad after all.
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10-04-2011 10:37 by
SuthernFukr
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I spanked myself twice before I left the house today so if you see me being naughty, chill out; I've dealt with it.
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10-04-2011 10:36 by
SuthernFukr
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I'm allergic to photos of your cat.
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10-04-2011 10:35 by
SuthernFukr
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Don't Facebook your problems, FACE THEM!
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10-04-2011 10:33
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If ants are so busy, why do they go to so many picnics?
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10-04-2011 10:29 by
SuthernFukr
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Received a wrong number call at 6am. I now have them on speed dial to drunk dial at 2am.
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10-04-2011 10:23 by
Marshall the Great
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I always hit "ignore call" with my middle finger.
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10-04-2011 10:22 by
Marshall the Great
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"You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that." - Life
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10-04-2011 10:21 by
Marshall the Great
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You know how sometimes you can just tell when someone's had enough of you for one day, so you back off and leave them alone? Me neither.
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10-04-2011 10:20 by
Marshall the Great
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i write like this and not "lYk DiS" because I'm an adult and I'm not retarded
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10-04-2011 10:20
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hates people that take drugs… customs for example
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10-04-2011 10:19
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My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.
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10-04-2011 10:17
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Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I'm yours.
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10-04-2011 10:16
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