Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My WTF moment of the day... Two pretty girls poke me..Then proceed to slap a fresh pic of them with their Bf on their wall.. wtf!

   Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

   Does anyone else feel like their in a horror movie... EVERYTIME they step in the shower? Or is it just me?

   getting suspicious of my wife. Every time I come home early our parrot yells, Quick, Out the window.

   its National Coming Out Day. What ever you do don't take that call from Grandma. Trust Me on this.

   For a long time dogs were a mans best friend. Then porn took over.

   Muslim sex dolls are the by far the best. Not only are they all virgins, but they blow themselves up!

   Wanna hear a joke about cats? Just Kitten!

   Sorry hun but I'm not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn I'm more of a casino were only the lucky ones hit the jackpot

   Hummer: The best way to prove that you can have money AND bad taste.

   I haven't shenaniganned in about six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-done-well, just yesterday I found myself rabble-rousing... but yup, its time to Shenanagin again.

   Q. Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? A. He did okay until his business fell off.

   So, who else here can't open up a bag of "Bugles" without putting one on each finger and pretending to be a bear?

   I need a woman who understands me, Not one who criticices me for arranging my Beanie Babie's by phylum.

   I want Bieber-canceling headphones.

   I'm not a Gynacologist, But i'll have a look.

   peta=people eating tasty animals.

   Ahh good ole, Facebook mobile. Or as I like to call it, "WALK-N-STALK".

   radios in car wasn't tell the 50s numbnuts

   The radio... making car rides less awkward since 1927.