Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I think the show "Toddlers & Tiaras" was named that way because "Strippers in training" and "Mothers with self esteem issues" just wasn't as catchy.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:43 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save energy....The last time I tried it I ran over a guy on a moped!
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:35 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I made a hamburger so big tonight the top bun looked like a Yarmulke.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:20 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like how after the dental hygienist rapes my gums with a sharp ass needle the dentist complains how my gums look a little swollen.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:19 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My feet must be gross. I can only get the wife to rub them if i'm wearing clean socks, but if one of the kids puke, she will catch it in her hands to avoid a mess.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:18 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon D!cks come in three sizes. Small, medium, and "oh my God does that come in white"!
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:13 by wutang | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1 tequila, 2 tequilas, 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teuiqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklas, 9 trwqiukas 10 trewqiÃ...
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:12 by @ericroflmao Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put push-pins in all the locations that I've traveled to. But first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:02 by @ericroflmao Comments (0)  


   messageicon watching Benjamin Button for the hundredth time. Never gets old.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 21:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
←Rate | 10-11-2011 21:55 by @ericroflmao Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 21:19 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate the people that cover up their answers, Like c'mon.. Lets work together bro..
←Rate | 10-11-2011 21:18 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't you go buy a diary Instead of posting your whole life story on Facebook?
←Rate | 10-11-2011 21:17 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon To Tweet.. or Not to Tweet..? That is the question... Whoa..Wait! I DID NOT just Say that!
←Rate | 10-11-2011 21:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My WTF moment of the day... Two pretty girls poke me..Then proceed to slap a fresh pic of them with their Bf on their wall.. wtf!
←Rate | 10-11-2011 20:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 19:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone else feel like their in a horror movie... EVERYTIME they step in the shower? Or is it just me?
←Rate | 10-11-2011 19:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon getting suspicious of my wife. Every time I come home early our parrot yells, Quick, Out the window.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 19:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon its National Coming Out Day. What ever you do don't take that call from Grandma. Trust Me on this.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 19:14 by the FRED Comments (0)  


   messageicon For a long time dogs were a mans best friend. Then porn took over.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 19:07 Comments (0)  



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