Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting dressed to go out when finally she swung open the door and asked "tell me honestly, do I look fat in this?". I replied "yes love, but to be fair, its a small bathroom"
←Rate | 10-12-2011 06:38 by Monkeyboy126 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My daughter came home from school and said that a boy showed her his pen!s. She said it reminded her of a peanut. I said, "Why, was it small? She said, "No, it was salty."
←Rate | 10-12-2011 06:06 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon If these walls could talk, they'd say "OH GOD, This HURTS! Get these nails out of me! Why did you paint me Mauve? Make it stop!"
←Rate | 10-12-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a hot girl in a Movie or on T. V, I google her name to see if she has any nude pics.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 05:04 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women are completely cute and defenseless..... Until the nail polish dries up.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In London, England The Big Ben clock tower is leaning, and it's getting worse. This Political Question comes to mind: Is it leaning to the Right or the Left?
←Rate | 10-12-2011 04:21 by Timber Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not drunk. I'm just tired from.....ah who am I kidding, I'm drunk!
←Rate | 10-12-2011 03:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can't wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie 5% - that's was a complete waste of money 85% - I gotta pee.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 03:09 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon ┏(-_-)┛┗(-_- )┓┗(-_-)┛┏(-_-)┓ EVERYDAY I'M SHUFFLIN'
←Rate | 10-12-2011 03:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon yes we know you are heartbroken but please stop posting all those sad youtube songs.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 03:03 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guilty people answer questions with a question.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 03:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon High Heels are a man's invention to make it harder for a woman to run away.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 02:55 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel sorry for guys who are in relationships with one woman.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Defensive Eating: Strategically consuming food for the sole purpose of preventing others from getting it.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 02:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I've been turned into a parrot!"
←Rate | 10-12-2011 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer to the end ya get the faster it goes.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 02:07 by lohungrob Comments (0)  


   messageicon dont substitute your dreams for the truth. Pay attention to what's right in front of your nose before it's too late.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 00:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the 1st amendment gives you the freedom of speech but the 2nd amendment gives me the right to bear arms
←Rate | 10-12-2011 00:24 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's hard to bury the past when you keep digging up old memories.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 00:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Laptop speakers... too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 00:03 by ambii Comments (0)  



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