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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Nothing says to a robber, "I have brand new never before opened electronics piled up in my living room." Like a Christmas tree.
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10-10-2011 16:29 by
Marshall the Great
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Please tell me again how "Ninja training" is not an acceptable excuse to miss work for the rest of the week??? This is bullsh!t!!!
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10-10-2011 16:24 by
Marshall the Great
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I actually hate grocery clerks who ask "paper or plastic." It's like they know I f*ck ugly women.
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10-10-2011 16:18 by
Marshall the Great
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The thing that sucks about hanging out with my friends is that they see how much I stare at my phone and know how little I answer their texts.
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10-10-2011 16:11 by
Marshall the Great
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shouldn't *India* be the country that celebrates Columbus Day? Think of all the syphilis they avoided because that dude could not navigate his way out of a kiddie pool.
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10-10-2011 16:09 by
CS
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What's the best way to casually ask your neighbor for his wifi password?
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10-10-2011 16:02 by
Marshall the Great
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Lets AGREE to DISAGREE.. because you're too f*ckin stupid to understand me!
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10-10-2011 15:54 by
QB
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In the absence of information, people make sh!t up. Worse, if they feel threatened, they make sh!t up that amplifies their worst fears.
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10-10-2011 15:53 by
SuthernFukr
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Don't go knocking on the devil's door and expect him NOT to answer
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10-10-2011 15:48
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Calories(noun)-Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sewyour clothes a little bit tighter every night.
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10-10-2011 15:46 by
david909
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I make good girls go back to the ex they still have feelings for.
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10-10-2011 15:45 by
Doc Noland
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Every girl has a slutty friend.....and if you people were any kind of friend at all, you would introduce me to yours
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10-10-2011 15:27
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The severity of an itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
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10-10-2011 15:21
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blackberry crashes around the world ministerially!!! well 4 days in heaven and already working on the competition, good job steve :)
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10-10-2011 14:59
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I feel like a Tampon today...In a good place at the wrong time.
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10-10-2011 14:48
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great.... Oprah is interviewing Rosie O'Donnell tonight on OWN. tune in if you ever wondered what a Double Stuffed Oreo sounds like
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10-10-2011 14:25
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I have decided that I am going to win the Nobel Peace Prize, and I don't care who I have to kill to do it.
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10-10-2011 14:24
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celebrating columbus day with a home invasion.
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10-10-2011 14:03
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I hate when I walk through a metal detector and my abs of steel set them off.
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10-10-2011 13:51 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm collecting every toy that the neighbors kid throws in my yard, I already have tons of Christmas presents for my nieces and nephews this year!
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10-10-2011 13:47 by
Marshall the Great
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