Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.I nearly choked on my latte.

   I love getting fresh clean underwear out of the dryer....I just wish I knew who they belong to!

   Have you heard about that new film about the tractor? I only saw the trailer

   was just thinking ... are orphans allowed to watch PG movies?

   If you got a problem face it, don't Facebook it!

   Last week a German satellite fell from the sky, but fortunately they warned everyone ahead of time so France would not surrender.

   My girlfriend insists on buying tuna in water. "It's healthier then the tuna in oil!" Then we get home and she puts a gallon of mayonnaise in it.

   ♫ Good Morning USA, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day. ♫

   My wife is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and currently looking over my shoulder

   Futurist, writer, strategist, social media guru, comedian, consultant, entrepreneur, horny. One out of the seven is true about me.

   I'll never be mature enough to hear the term “natural gas” and not giggle a little.

   I wonder how many calories a women burns trying to avoid sex?

   Rose are red, violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.

   Man it boggles the mind why some retards even educated ones for that matter still continue to buy into these bogus faith healers' cons. People need to accept that healing ended with Jesus and everyone else is just a con-artist who should be arrested.

   Facebook should make it possible for us to respond to a 'poke' with a 'slap'

   Im dressing as an endangered species for Halloween...a US worker

   I need a BAD GIRL with good INTENTIONS

   Welcome to America:You can be the valedictorian of your class, go to college, get a Doctorate's Degree, get a really good job, and you're still not going to make as much each year as Snooki.

   Maybe its just me but The 'poke' button on Facebook should be replaced with a 'slap' button.

   Once I'm finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.