Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Really Olive Garden, Unlimited breadsticks? I'll have 20.000 of them. Oh I can't have 20.000? then their not unlimited are they?

   Teacher: "I am beautiful, which tense is this?" Me: "Obviously the past...”

   I finally know what I wana be for Halloween this year....18 Again! How scary would that be!

   If Facebook isn't a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it

   I finally know what I wana be for Halloween this year....18 Again!

   when ur a kid you ask "why do I gotta pick up my toys?"...when ur an adult you get the answer

   I hate that awkad moment when a dumb b!tch likes a Facebook page called "I Hate Dumb B!tches."

   Some people's facebook $tatuse$ are ridiculously overdramatic. "going to school feels like a knife through my heart!!!" it's like, .....shut up.

   I am dressing as an extinct species for Halloween...a hard working black man.

   There are some people on facebook who don't understand the difference between 'Whats on your mind?' And I should probably see a therapist about this'

   I'll be Black you stay White here!

   An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.jj

   Thunder only happens when it's raining..Players only love you when they're playin..

   <----plans on spending a quiet evening indoors with the only woman who never let's me down!.....Stella Artois! ツ

   I just posted my suicide note on Facebook. It already has 120 likes.

   Dear Karma, Thanks for letting the air out of my @$$hole neighbors tires.....

   The Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.

   Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream.. but Leonardo Dicaprio had a dream inside a dream inside a dream.

   the best halloween treat a woman could ask for.

   I can't decide whether The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie.