Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   male bats have highest rate of h0m0sexuality of any mammal, WELL THAT EXPLAINS EDWARD

   AIRPORT SECURITY: "Sir do you have any dangerous weapon on your person? ME: Yes, my brain.

   I don't know guys, that Gadhafi picture just looks like Gene Simmons after a Kiss concert.

   My ex asked the stupidest questions, like if you could be any vegtable what would you be, so I replied a 14 inch cucumber in a womens prison. she failed to see the irony, bless her lil vegan bleeding heart!

   I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now, I just shuffle along with the lost.

   Gadaffi has been killed but unfortunately the 14 other spellings of his name remain at large.

   Screw it, I'm answering any and all questions today with "As you wish".

   Heading to Wal-Mart to put my holiday sweatpants on layaway. Anyone need a BB gun or a bucket full of awesome?

   Great, now I have to change my Halloween costume from Gadhafi to Zombie Gadhafi.

   We need to employ ninja doctors to do vasectomies secretly to stop dipsh!ts from breeding.

   I heard you were voted "Most likely to suck seed."

   Bring a bolt to an amusement park. Get on a roller coaster with a person who looks terrified. When the ride starts, hold up the bolt and say, "Wait...where did this come from?"

   If you think you have me figured out, that's hilarious because I don't even have myself figured out.

   I wish one of the walls in my bedroom was a giant Lite-Brite.

   You call it lazy, But I call it selective participation.

   I'm going to learn how to make balloon animals. just in case an emergency situation calls for the most annoying sound in the universe.

   "I am not such a dictator that I would shut down Facebook. I will merely imprision anyone who logs into it." ~ Muammar Gaddafi (people are serious you f**k with thie FB you die)

   Serving Size: Serves six adults or one ten year old.

   Theres no "I" in "team" but there are 5 in "individual brilliance."

   There should be three options for facebook posts. "Like", "Dislike", and "Yep, I'm In The 95 Percentile That Doesn't Get It".