Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon the people who you babysit for, you should poke holes in all the condoms and ensure yourself at least five more years of babysitting money.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:58 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think about it, most of your friendships stay in the "humor zone", where silences are awkward and must be resolved with laughs. Deep friendships allow you to be yourself instead of just a comedian.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:48 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:42 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mind and my body are starting to strongly disagree about how old I am.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:40 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never see the GEICO Gecko driving a car in any of those commercials. I find that suspicious..
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:36 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money doesn't buy you happiness is just a saying rich people made up to prevent poor people from wanting to rob them.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:32 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obama supporters are in SUCH denial about EVERYTHING! We're on to you..accept it.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey thanks for the event invitation. I live in Florida, but I'll leave for Utah immediately 'cause God knows I wouldn't wanna miss your sh**ty band's gig at Paul's Bowling Alley.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:25 by Ming Vas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hah! Got my inflatable Santa Jesus up before you this year, Henderson. SUCK IT, CHRISTMAS LOSER!!!
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:43 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coffee is a gateway drug. You end up stirring liquid with increasingly larger sticks until eventually you're paddling a kayak.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:42 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon and why, when I answered the phone, it was a guy on the other line??
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:42 by BRian Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to set your clocks back to a time when you believed dreams came true!
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:42 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why, when my dad left his phone in the car his phone rang and the ringtone was "Love in this club" by Usher???
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:41 by BRian Comments (0)  


   messageicon There really should be a Web site that explains how to properly tie an ascot on a cat.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:41 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if you think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem?
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:40 by Iloveher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh it's on like a pops rocks blow job!!
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro-tip: Turn your dishwasher into a snowplow this christmas by giving her a shovel.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon NASA has received funding to develop a tractor beam. Step 1: Buy new pants for nerds who just wet themselves.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 18:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is just a long, sick game of "Would you rather."
←Rate | 11-04-2011 17:54 by g0re Comments (0)  



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