Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 4278 of 5594

   messageicon Anything Gloria Allred speaks out against I will support!
←Rate | 11-07-2011 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
←Rate | 11-07-2011 15:02 by JRF121 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A good plan tonight is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. So get her buzzed before the club lights come on & she gets a good look at you.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't matter what race, color, creed, or gender you are; we're all Recycled.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To understand someone you have to walk a mile in their shoes. That's why men don't understand women, they never learned to walk in heels.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Young souls, when Adults say "Stay away from drugs", what they mean is stay away from Their drugs.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Crack the whip on yourself but be lenient with others. Unless they're into that sort of thing.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:33 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be positive. Every morning look yourself in the mirror and say: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people want to f*ck me.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a beer, drink for an hour. Teach a man to brew, drink for a lifetime. Give a man a wine cooler & you'll get knocked the f*ck out.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Necessity is the mother of invention. The Kama Sutra was created because no one should have to "reach enlightenment" in missionary position.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's every man's obligation to put back into the world what he takes out. Any ideas on how to give back all the virginities we've taken?
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When life gets too stressful, sometimes you need professional help. Hire a prostitute, they're highly-trained at stress release.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the jury will acquit Dr. Murray, but instead blame his plastic surgeons!
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ka•ra•o•ke noun. Origin: Japan Definition: Tone-deaf drunk with a microphone.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Universe will be in cosmic harmony once Michael J. Fox endorses the "Shake Weight", & Chris Brown the "Slap Chop".
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when somebody tells you to go "f*** yourself" use reverse psychology and say "hell no...I'll do it right here thank you very much"
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rihanna "Fell in love in a hopeless place". Must have been in Greece.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a six figure salary. Unfortunately, all six figures are to the right of the decimal point.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:02 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be polite, bow. And while you're down there...
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We all suffer from a stroke at some point in our lives. Whether it be a stroke of bad luck, a blood clot, or a dry handjob.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 13:58 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left