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Why do firetrucks often accompany ambulances to a call? I'd be like "I'm not on fire; I just can't feel my legs! Chillax!"
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11-07-2011 15:55 by
SuthernFukr
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A fauxhawk is a good way of letting people know they can beat you in a fight.
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11-07-2011 15:55 by
SuthernFukr
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wondering if Herman Cane came up with his 999 plan after a dinner date with a German woman...
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11-07-2011 15:39
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Anything Gloria Allred speaks out against I will support!
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11-07-2011 15:26
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I'm thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
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11-07-2011 15:02 by
JRF121
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A good plan tonight is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. So get her buzzed before the club lights come on & she gets a good look at you.
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11-07-2011 14:50
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It doesn't matter what race, color, creed, or gender you are; we're all Recycled.
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11-07-2011 14:46
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To understand someone you have to walk a mile in their shoes. That's why men don't understand women, they never learned to walk in heels.
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11-07-2011 14:45
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Young souls, when Adults say "Stay away from drugs", what they mean is stay away from Their drugs.
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11-07-2011 14:40
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Crack the whip on yourself but be lenient with others. Unless they're into that sort of thing.
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11-07-2011 14:33 by
KISSTOPHER
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Be positive. Every morning look yourself in the mirror and say: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people want to f*ck me.
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11-07-2011 14:29
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Give a man a beer, drink for an hour. Teach a man to brew, drink for a lifetime. Give a man a wine cooler & you'll get knocked the f*ck out.
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11-07-2011 14:23
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Necessity is the mother of invention. The Kama Sutra was created because no one should have to "reach enlightenment" in missionary position.
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11-07-2011 14:21
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It's every man's obligation to put back into the world what he takes out. Any ideas on how to give back all the virginities we've taken?
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11-07-2011 14:19
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When life gets too stressful, sometimes you need professional help. Hire a prostitute, they're highly-trained at stress release.
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11-07-2011 14:18
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I think the jury will acquit Dr. Murray, but instead blame his plastic surgeons!
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11-07-2011 14:16
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Ka•ra•o•ke noun. Origin: Japan Definition: Tone-deaf drunk with a microphone.
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11-07-2011 14:16
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The Universe will be in cosmic harmony once Michael J. Fox endorses the "Shake Weight", & Chris Brown the "Slap Chop".
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11-07-2011 14:14
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when somebody tells you to go "f*** yourself" use reverse psychology and say "hell no...I'll do it right here thank you very much"
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11-07-2011 14:09
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Rihanna "Fell in love in a hopeless place". Must have been in Greece.
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11-07-2011 14:08
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