Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You can learn a lot about a woman from the top dresser drawer beside her bed....

   Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. ( MONDAY )

   No one is lazier than the people who name convenience stores.

   I'm in shape: Unfortunately it's the wrong one.

   I like my beaver how I like my chicken...free range.

   If you can text with both hands at the same time, you are Ambi-Textual.

   If you listen to the new Coldplay album on very good speakers you can actually hear the band growing ovaries.

   I'm about to get in the middle of some girl-on-girl action with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth.

   HEADLINE: Justin Bieber wins big, trashes rumours at EMAs. You go girrrrrrrrrrrrrl....

   you know its time to get a girlfriend when you start looking for socks behind the dryer..

   Don't tease fat girls, elephants never forget...

   We're probably accidentally giving ghosts handjobs all the time

   So many women.... So little time to disappoint them all...

   Commercials for toilet paper make it seem like I'll be cuddling with the ish instead of wiping with it...

   for a perfectly shaved forearm reach for the last Pringle in the can....

   I'd imagine homeless people aren't the fans of little dogs wearing sweaters

   i hate sitting comfortably on the couch and then discocering that my phone is more than an arm's length away. Also more than a leg's length away.

   They say real woman have curves. Well then... the woman sitting in front of me at the theatre is a real, real, real, real, real, real woman.

   I don't care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it

   I wonder if AM realises how bad it sucks compared to PM and FM?