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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I'm Frank with all of my dates. Wouldn't want them knowing my real name would i?
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11-09-2011 18:15
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Everything is made in China, Except for babies, They're made in the VaChina
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11-09-2011 17:39 by
g0re
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How is LIL WAYNE, a man with a wife, ex-wife, 5 baby mommas, 3 boos, 2 hoes an a partridge in a pear tree, gonna tell me how to love.
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11-09-2011 17:34 by
g0re
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The funniest thing about the Darth Vader kid car commerical was that the parents thought they started the car.
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11-09-2011 16:56 by
g0re
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You've really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can't reach it.
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11-09-2011 16:52 by
g0re
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I never let my children watch band performances on TV. Too much sax and violins.
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11-09-2011 16:50 by
g0re
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I never feel my day is complete, until one of my fb friends is having a worse day than I. Even if I have to be the cause of it.
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11-09-2011 16:20 by
Marshall the Great
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If I've given you my time & an opportunity & you squandered both, don't question why I'm not in your bed tonight.
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11-09-2011 16:13
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It's not that guys can't find the G-spot; we just like looking for it…a lot.
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11-09-2011 16:03
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I think I was bitten by a radio-active sloth.
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11-09-2011 16:02
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When I was younger I used to have a lot of patience, but now I'm like Michael Jackson's Doctor & I have no patients.
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11-09-2011 16:01
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If I were a dog I'd constantly be thinking "Sure. You can pat me. Whatever. Then you can feed me and maybe later you can pick up my poop".
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11-09-2011 15:59
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I call the bomb squad everytime a package is delivered at work so we can stand outside & bull sh$it the rest of the day.
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11-09-2011 15:53
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Sometimes you have to ask yourself if you are doing the right thing. If you can see Gary Busey doing it, chances are you should not.
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11-09-2011 15:52 by
flinnie
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Kim Kardashian. Kim Bassinger. Kim Chee. I'll take "Things that are edible" for $500 Alex
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11-09-2011 15:41
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how many times can you post the cougar/nittany lion thing. there is three per page! OK, WE GET IT!
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11-09-2011 15:40
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I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off your trees let me know.
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11-09-2011 15:29
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My ex was really into erotic asphyxiation. And by "erotic asphyxiation" I mean he was fat and I couldn't breathe.
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11-09-2011 15:27
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My favourite pastime is planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sitting back to watch the magic unfold.
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11-09-2011 15:26
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Just invented a drink called the LESBIAN. All you do is mix two liquors
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11-09-2011 15:15 by
Marshall the Great
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