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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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My most meaningful conversations these days are with Siri
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10-31-2011 03:11 by
Vishal Vakil
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Last women I hooked up with at the retirement home told me, "If you break it you buy it"! You know what that hip replacement cost me
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10-31-2011 01:24 by
eaglet1122
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Farts are so funny...because you dont ever know what they're going to sound like.
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10-31-2011 00:19
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Ladies: Being attractive isn't a free pass to act like a witch.
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10-31-2011 00:01
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I say tomato, you say tomato. hahahahaha I know your laughing right now cuz you totally just read this with two pronunciations... lol
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10-30-2011 23:35 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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thinking of stalking my stalker just to shake things up a bit
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10-30-2011 23:33 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I'm going to bed
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10-30-2011 23:26 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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That yellow shirt looks good on you... It really brings out the color in your teeth.
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10-30-2011 23:23 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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If you are single maybe it's not everyone else, maybe it's you!
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10-30-2011 23:07
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Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you have to do is stand and say “Hi my name is Tom and I am an alcoholic”.
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10-30-2011 22:24
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: No I have not gained weight, Your eyes just got fat
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10-30-2011 22:19 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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handing out used motor oil, cottage cheese I left for out 3 days, Nick Punto Baseball cards, and Greek Bonds for Halloween tomorrow night. This should be the last year for a while that I have to deal with trick-or-treaters...
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10-30-2011 22:08 by
Evil Jason
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right before I die I'm going to say " I left a million dollars in the.."
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10-30-2011 21:54 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween and handed out candy.....
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10-30-2011 21:52
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Halloween.. The only time of the year where it's ok to take candy from a stranger..
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10-30-2011 21:52
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so what are you going to be for halloween? well, I was thinking about being, well, intoxicated
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10-30-2011 21:52
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I'll be spending most of today putting Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations...
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10-30-2011 21:51
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If a girl is stupid enough to love you after you broke her heart, I guarantee you, she is the one.
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10-30-2011 21:47 by
BEGO
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The whole concept of Halloween is wierd. Everyone dresses funny and total strangers reward them with candy.
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10-30-2011 21:44 by
BEGO
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Why do people yell "Hello?" in horror movies. What do you think the killer is going to say? "I'm making a sandwich in the kitchen. Want one?"
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10-30-2011 21:44 by
@mattdinney
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