Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hope one day I am wealthy enough to donate to every charity that sends me free address labels.

   I wonder if astronomers will ever find the opening credits to Stars Wars floating out there

   Glad my work doesn't do drug tests cause everyone would find out I'm a loser who doesn't party

   there is a skinny girl inside me tring to get out...but I can shut her up with cookie.

   just got back from my morning walk and got a TON of canned goods!!!!

   what do ducks do when they fly upside down? They quack up!!

   they say you sould talk to plants, because they can feel the love. what in the hell do you say to weed?

   About to have a threesome with Aunt Jamima and Mrs Butterworth

   Should we really lose sleep over these retards who ignore warning signs or should we just let nature take its course?

   I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

   I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

   After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

   I told my wife when she turned forty I was going to trade her in for 2 20's. She told me I was not wired for 220!!!!

   Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can't they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?

   Because you saw them do it in Animal House is not a good reason for anything. Ever.

   Currently trying to convince my drunken neighbor alligators are usually a poor choice for a petting zoo. Should be an interesting birthday party.

   Never assume your boss will find the dancing nude lady screen saver you put on the company computer as entertaining as you do.

   Why doesn't Lindsay Lohan just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap? I mean nobody has seen her since.

   Forget about wanting a *dislike* button added to Facebook. I want the ability to toilet paper someone's wall.

   Bored? Update your Facebook status to "in a relationship" with someone you've never met. (sex and/or age unimportant) If by chance they do confirm the affair, deny you ever sent the request and